I haven't been a good friend I haven't been the best daughter
Yes I know it It's written all over your face
//
How much more sucky could life get OP next Mon then we gotta wait till five to get back our Promo results which I know I will screw and perhaps cry
This was a big mistake I didn't see where I really belonged
//
& to tell you I'm just done with crying I'm sick and tired of life
// (You couldn't say sorry, could you?)
That's it I'm done here
XOXO
/
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Could you say iloveyou & tell me that you mean it
XOXO
/
Monday, October 29, 2007
Okay that's it
I've seen enough and now everything is starting to sink in at one go the pain biting the hurt swelling the tears forming my bones breaking
You don't demand Truth you seek it
I'm inhaling exhaling taking in deep breaths but my tears are still forming
So hey what's the point
People might say all I need is a good night's sleep I'd say they're wrong
I need someone to turn this life around
//
I talked to someone tonight and brought back that nostalgia that I was once deeply comforted in I didn't want to let go but I did
There's always a time for goodbye It could be then or now
//
Use me as you will Pull my strings just for a thrill & I know I'll be okay Though my skies are turning grey
//
Goodnight world; I'm hanging up on you
XOXO
/
Sunday, October 28, 2007
SO SMALL - CARRIE UNDERWOOD
What you got if you ain't got love the kind that you just want to give away It's okay to open up go ahead and let the light shine through I know it's hard on a rainy day you want to shut the world out and just be left alone But don't run out on your faith
Cos sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand What you've been up there searching for forever is in your hands When you figure out love is all that matters after all It sure makes everything else seems so small
It's so easy to get lost inside A problem that seems so big at a time It's like a river that's so wide it swallows you whole While you sit around thinking about what you can't change and worrying about all the wrong things Time's flying by, moving so fast You better make it count cos you can't get it back
Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand What you've been up there searching for forever is in your hands When you figure out love is all that matters after all It sure makes everything else seems so small
I don't know what I need right now my friends' warmth or his comfort
I don't think neither will work cos whatever it is things have changed
Time passes things change that's life and we can't help it Not at all
I wonder if a little solitary time will help by the bay at the Esplanade rooftop I went there alone once It's a place for lovers not solitudes
Where else can I go because every place brings back a memory or two
I think I had enough
So yeah one day I'm gonna get myself out of this mess but I just don't know when
XOXO
/
Thursday, October 25, 2007
THE WIND IS SCREAMING TO MY EARS BUT ALL I HEAR IS SILENCE ALL AROUND
I've never been this empty before nor have I been so scared of losing it all
I'm changed and I don't know why
XOXO
/
Thursday, October 25, 2007
LOST SUMMER ROMANCE
Riding on the last days of summer The sun still up in the sky A new-found romance had vanished completely And she didn't know why
Maybe it was fate or it just wasn't meant to be No matter where she goes, she knows That she will someday see
Through seasons of change Years of wind and rain She'll move on, find someone new And love like she'll never love again
The last flowers of her summer Fall gently through daylight She makes her way back home, this time alone As the doves take flight
Maybe it could be destined or it just wasn't meant to be No matter where will be, she knows That she will someday see
Through seasons of change Years of wind and rain She'll move on, find someone new And love like she'll never love again
It's easy to fall in love but harder to pick yourself up Your summer romance has come and gone It's come and gone
//
Song/poem you decide
//
Well lately it's been quiet
Yeah okay so things change all I need to do is face it
Back to PW
//
The ache on my right foot is back am I getting old already? :/
XOXO
/
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Before I cut up my script and paste them on cue cards I must talk to myself here
This is my 601th post
//
Promo results are not yet released since there's still "A" level Chinese and OP to settle
75% of the H2 Math cohort had passed they must have moderated it hell but looking at the corrections Mr Goh's been going through I've been sinking and sinking deeper into dismal
We had Int. History tutorial today and hey thought I would do okay for that paper I was so wrong I went out of point and this is my first time I screwed up in my HISTORY Promos History, for crying out loud
Bumped into my CSE teacher on the way to the toilet after brushing up on my OP script I asked him how it was He said I was alright
To the hell with grades and screw JC
I even signed up for the 2008 OGL next year and God knows whether I'll be able to promote
Whatever this is not what I wanted it to be
//
And fuck it, alright seriously Just stop rubbing it into my imperfections I was born like that
I don't need to be beautiful simply cos I don't WANT to be so please just stop
It brings me down I can't be the girl I want to be
I wasn't born beautiful I know you want me to be
So I'm everything that you didn't want me to be well I believe so that sometimes I think I was really the baby from the wrong cot
Did I just say that what the fuck
//
Dear First Aunt I'm sorry I changed and when you call I sound busy I'm sorry it makes me cry to apologize I miss you and I miss staying back at Grams because no matter what you're always there to defend me I'm sorry that I neglected you in my busiest hours I just don't want to regret those hours I could spend with you but didn't take the time to
//
"And I was right there beside him all summer long and then the time we woke up to find that summer gone"
XOXO
/
Monday, October 22, 2007
TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR - TAYLOR SWIFT
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about And she's got everything that I have to live without
Drew talks to me, I laugh cos it's so funny That I can't even see anyone when he's with me He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe? And there he goes, so perfectly The kind of flawless I wish I could be She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love Look into those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cos
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light I'll put his picture down and maybe Get some sleep tonight
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do He's the time taken up, but there's never enough And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
XOXO
/
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Hello those are my flaws and imperfections stop picking on them it brings me down
I used to be that someone so confident - not anymore
//
Busy busy day Woke up at 8AM so I could bathe and walk to the MRT to pick up my group members at 9 we decided to do OP at my place and I don't know why
Had breakfast downstairs then we worked on OP
& we always have fun :]
Almost all of them climbed onto my bed like some chalet except Dea
They messed up my whole bed :/ took out all my toys (Yes, welcome to ToyLand :)
JunYan had the ingenious idea of stacking up all my toys and replacing his head with Mashi Maro
We were slacking on and off I made them watch YouTube all the funny videos
Caught Red-Handed!
Shian feels more comfortable doing her OP on my bed and thats JY's specs on my Pooh (thanks uh)
HAHA JY found his air mask
Wrapped up at about 1.45PM headed for the MRT Dea went for Church at Queenstown the rest of us had Macs for lunch at Clementi and played pool (yay)
Arcading with you guys is fun :D
Took the train at 3.45PM headed to PS to meet Bestest (: (yay we met earlier so we could talk and walk around)
Had dinner at Ajisen with Kelinand Ivy :] cos there was no Pepper Lunch but I saw the signboard can
It said Pepper Lunch at #B1-12 and guess what it turned out to be Action City :/
But who cares cos WHEEEEE we had such fun laughing and laughing <3My Tomatey Ramen with Tako Yaki as side dish!
Bestest's Ramen! (I forgot what you ordered :P )
Left PS about 9.45PM took the tube back home with Ivy (I missed you!)
Suddenly & abruptly it felt okay to be Independent at least, for a while but I was afraid to walk home in the dark alone
I'm not tired right now just waiting for my phone to recharge School again tomorrow but hey at least there's no more brain-draining lessons just Math, PW & Chinese
I'll be okay I will be
//
Friendship is the flower that will never wither.
//
I'm caught up in the these emotions I had a trip back into the past I could recount those memories like yesterday But I just don't know how long this'll last
Tell me now so I know what's changed & what stayed the same
XOXO
/
Saturday, October 20, 2007
I'm quite pissed Time check - 11.58 PM
I have just finished watching "Behind Enemy Lines" and I'm still in love with Owen Wilson (:
My throat is going but yes Pepper Lunch tomorrow
I'm still pissed
This is the third post for today I don't care
//
HAHA They just had Yeltsin and Reagan on TV laughing over some political joke the exact same one on YouTube And yes all hail Gorbachev for freedom/hope/political instability/economic chaos or simply Pizza Hut
Inside historical joke
//
When the time comes will we ever let go?
XOXO
/
Saturday, October 20, 2007
One snapshot brings back memories of every kind.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRAMS! :D & yes you picked the Fish for today!
//
I feel stupid cos I wore heels and I think I sprained my ankle or was it because my grandmother's walking stick fell onto me :/
Anyway it's aching now :(
I think I'm going to bed time check - 10.07 PM There's no one to talk to I've been practically stoning off the whole day & having mood swings
Doesn't matter does it
//
Seven days? I don't know how I'm gonna take it again
Sigh
//
Damn Regret & Hello Sacrifice
XOXO
/
Saturday, October 20, 2007
I don't know where to start
The sun's warm and shining but I feel really cold inside
This is after Promos I should be happy It's not like my group has a big problem doing I&Rs and OP it's not like I'm getting pissed over preparing for Chinese As (maybe not yet)
I know I'm fine
I just don't want things to be so cold
Wanted to watch HSM 2 on DVD but I've got no mood now
XOXO
/
Friday, October 19, 2007
I'm hungry doesn't matter
Chalet photos are up at Photobucket (: happy viewing!
//
Those words were long Gone
//
PS: Thanks Kenny, for dropping by to check on me.
XOXO
/
Friday, October 19, 2007
ELEVEN PEOPLE
1. my Love 2. Shian 3. Char 4. Justina 5. Jun Yan 6. Dea 7. Kerine 8. Mei Ni 9. Ai Shan 10. Kenny 11. Lynard
HOW DID YOU MEET 4? The damned college. But I'm glad I met her :]
WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITHOUT 6? Our project work would seriously suck.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF 2 AND 6 WERE GOING OUT? They're both girls, thank you.
HOW OLD IS 8? Seventeen.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF 5 CONFESSED HE/SHE LOVES YOU? HAHAHA he never will.
HAVE YOU EVER EATEN OUT WITH 1? Sure.
DO YOU MISS 2? Yup. I miss pinching her cheeks.
WHO IS 11 DATING? No one for now. I think.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF 3? The one I go crazy with everyday.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF 9? She talks alot =X
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF 4 AND 7 WERE DATING? They're both girls, for goodness sake.
WHO DOES 2 LIKE? Me, for sure :P
DO YOU LOVE 10? Umm. Can I like instead?
XOXO
/
Thursday, October 18, 2007
I never felt this weak before I thought I could fall right down from where I was standing
Jun Yan, I was wrong you don't need to know if its love or not you'll know when you feel it Trust me
I'm scared, yes the nerves inside are trembling I don't know how I managed to get through today without crying
I don't know how to go on
Please please please
XOXO
/
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I'm the one who's always strong right? You're wrong all of you
Where's my Angel tonight I need her to take away the pain and tell me things will be okay because I want it all to go away just go, go
To everyone I'm sorry Give me some time
//
"Stay in my arms if you dare or must I imagine you there?"
XOXO
/
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
WARNING: Please Deviate From This Page If It Scares You That I'm Emo
The sunshine doesn't seem be comforting it pounds and glares onto me instead Thought things would feel alright and I'd be on top of the world so I could embrace the millions of hot fiery stars
But hey I'm not
The pain's twisting in my stomach and I feel this uncomfortable knot with perplexing confusion tied up inside
The coin's flipped the other way around
Really thought I'd be okay perhaps it was only self-assurance
I reached home to the echo of my footsteps on the floor I saw Dad's shoes maybe he was wearing some others cos he wasn't home
The living room was flooded in darkness my parents' room the bed neatly done It was quiet the house stayed still I was alone
I flipped on the lights and placed my bag on the study desk grabbed a drink pulled my bedsheets open and the first tear formed
I hurtled myself to the comfort I'd missed plunged straight into a state of hating myself I held Her close but all she could do was smile back She was not real enough
It was hard getting to sleep but I gave in to fatigue when I woke it was quiet the house stayed still I was alone
XOXO
/
Monday, October 15, 2007
Hey world where were the signs to warn me of the oncoming danger that my sky would fall and Heaven would cry
I don't need the biggest mistake to come barging back into my life I was fine couldn't be any better but you had to come right in mixed it all up
I turned around but nobody's there
Ever since I almost lost her I told myself I wouldn't risk it on any of my friends I couldn't take another night like that and I don't fucking need them to leave my side
So what the hell do you want just tell me say it and get out and leave me alone
If me crying is what makes you happy well your job's done
XOXO
/
Monday, October 15, 2007
CANCER - MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE
Turn away If you could get me a drink of water cos my lips are chapped and faded Call my Aunt Marie Help her gather all my things and bury me in all my favorite colors My sisters and my brothers still I will not kiss you Cos the hardest part of this is leaving you
Now turn away Cos I'm awful just to see Cos all my hairs abandoned all my body oh my agony Know that I will never marry Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo But counting down the days to go It just ain't living And I just hope you know
That if you say goodbye today I'd ask you to be true Cos the hardest part of this is leaving you
XOXO
/
Sunday, October 14, 2007
I'm reduced to a state of biological decay
so this the life I've always dreamed of the one without all the studying and mugging and it actually sucks
:/
Pepper Lunch tonight! :D Pepper dinner, rather with Mom & Dad at IMM
They have got like Fish & Co., Ajisen Cafe Cartel Swensens the list goes on
And mission accomplished (part two :) I finished up my meal
Okay Blogger doesn't seem to like me today I can't upload my picture here :( Darn
I'm not as cheerful as you think it's on the outside
//
So I asked her, "What's gonna change?" She smiled back and didn't reply
XOXO
/
Saturday, October 13, 2007
New look in less than half an hour
Yes thank the Lord Promos are over and I'm officially rotting
I'm feeling really cranky and I just don't feel good
//
How do you know anyway?
XOXO
/
Friday, October 12, 2007
Hey love do you know that somehow everything complicated falls into place my words and thoughts flow like a river I let down my defenses and surrender when I was with you tonight?
The bestest guy friend and the boyfriend<3 thankyou I just wanted to spend the rest of the night sitting there with you
//
FREAKING PROMOS ENDED FOR ME fi-na-lly :/
Watched "Mr. Woodcock" at PS with Love, KF & WF (: Dinner at SumoHouse pool after that :(I lost every round)
'Twas a fab day :D
//
"Once in your life you'll find someone who will turn your life around pick you up when you're feeling down Now nothing could change what you mean to me there's alot that I could say But just hold me now cos our love will light the way"
XOXO
/
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
"Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to"
Done with Math and History CSE remains I shall prevail
Here I am still blogging time check - 12.54 AM I should be sleeping but who really cares I don't
//
Its kinda scary how life can just turn you around within a matter of time
I'm not going back there with you
//
I'm not tired but I need to get my screwed-up sleep
//
"Who are you now are you still the same or did you change somehow?"
XOXO
/
Monday, October 08, 2007
I need to vent my anger
Fuck Chem & fuck Promos
Life stinks as much as an unwashed helmet thankyou
//
I'm getting really stressed up on and off I feel like I could cry
One part of me's saying I can do it the other part says I will still fall no matter how hard I try
So what's the point
I'm done with studying and sick of it already
I'm just gonna do a little re-run and get to bed
It's been a lonely day and it doesn't matter
//
I actually set my alarm for eight AM this morning so I could wake up and mug SEA History (which I did anyway, for two hours)
I must be out of my mind
//
So really what happened to all of that I want to know
//
Had dinner with family at Paradix last night we had our own mini-steamboats
Don't mind the steam and I don't know why I look so angry :/ oh well
//
Enough transitions
This is what gets me through at the lowest points of my life
CALLING DOWN AN ANGEL - PLUS ONE
You're afraid, it'll all come down To this place, where dreams have fallen to the ground Just look up, you'll make it through Cos there's a heavenly being that's watching over you
Calling down an angel who will help you believe Sending out a prayer I'm down on my knees Reaching out to Heaven knowing you will someday see There's hope beyond the struggle Just hold on, I'm calling down an angel
It's not too late, it's almost over If you'll just wait, you'll feel it lifting off your shoulders So keep believing The sun always promises a new day It'll stop the rain, break the chains and chase the pain away
Calling down an angel who will help you believe Sending out a prayer I'm down on my knees Reaching out to Heaven knowing you will someday see There's hope beyond the struggle Just hold on, I'm calling down an angel
You've been trying to be so strong You've been waiting for so long Will your miracle ever come? Heaven's holding every single tear you cry And if you start to feel alone, just know that I am
Calling down an angel who will help you believe Sending out a prayer I'm down on my knees Reaching out to Heaven knowing you will someday see There's hope beyond the struggle Just hold on, I'm calling down an angel
//
Good luck to Promos, better luck to me.
XOXO
/
Saturday, October 06, 2007
I think I'm losing it I'm losing myself and I don't really care
I'm sorry I can't be me at least for now
I'm kinda breaking down crumbling to pieces inside I'm building my own pressure and I come down so hard that I forget somehow that I'm just pushing and pushing myself
I tell others that we're all human we have our limits but for me I'm the exception
I never thought this would be a problem for me Never ever and I wanna cry thinking about it
I'm not the genius and yet I'm not the nerd I'm the in-between the average and to rise a little higher I need to work
I'm still here and I'm still hanging on
For how long more I can handle this I don't really know
//
Face down in the dirt She said, "This doesn't hurt," she said, "I've finally had enough"
XOXO
/
Friday, October 05, 2007
4 and a 1/2 hours to read 17 International History lectures :/
I'm depriving myself of all that I used to do just for one week more
I can do this please give me the Strength to
//
& Happy Sweet Sixteen DEA! (:
//
Hey precious hang on your days will be better cos you know you can always fall back on me
//
"We talk about the places that we intend to be but if we were there would you be you and baby would I be me? I don't wanna be somewhere and realize this feeling's gone"
XOXO
/
Thursday, October 04, 2007
So keep believing The sun always promises a new day It'll stop the rain, break the chains and chase the pain away
I'm calling down an angel who will help you believe Sending out a prayer I'm down on my knees Reaching up to Heaven knowing you will someday see There's hope beyond the struggle Just hold on I'm calling down an angel
"Calling Down An Angel" - Plus One
XOXO
/
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
I feel lifeless and it's killing me
//
Standing at the MRT track looking back over my shoulder and wishing you'd appear
Its always sweet the first few times I know how it feels like
To hold his hand to watch his eyes shine to embrace him and to love him right
I know, I really do
At that moment I felt my legs go numb and I felt weak something inside me shattered and my heart crumbled collapsed into a heap
I bit my lip tried hard not to cry big girls don't cry anymore but they still do anyway
I looked forward focused on the sunshine and on the happier things instead
//
The pressure's rising I'm running out of time
I don't know if I can make it
XOXO
/
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
I proclaim GP & MT over
//
Ripped this from Li Wen's blog (thankyou :)
[one] what is your natural hair colour? Black, I guess.
[two] where is your default picture on friendster taken? In the car.
[three] what's your middle name? -
[four] your current relationship status? Taken.
[five] does your crush like you back? Ask him?
[six] what is your current mood? Worn down.
[seven] what colour underwear are you wearing? I don't know luh, do I look like I care?
[eight] what makes you happy? Well, being happy.
[ten] if you could go back in time and change something, what you would change? This wrong turn I've made.
[eleven] if you must be an animal for one day, what would you be? An eagle, cos I wanna know how it feels like to have the wind in my wings.
[twelve] ever had a near death experience? Yup, somewhat I guess. Read the previous entry.
[thirteen] something you do a lot? Sing.
[fourteen] the song stuck in your head? Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
[fifteen] who did you copy and paste this from? Li Wen!
[sixteen] name someone with the same birthday as you? Still looking for that someone.
[seventeen] when was the last time you cried? Yesterday, I think.
[eighteen] have you ever sung in front of a large audience? Sure.
[nineteen] if you could have one super power what would it be? Being able to teleport.
[twenty] what's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex? Face, I think.
[twenty-one] what do you usually order from starbucks? Coffee? I don't know which, cos my baby just orders.
[twenty-two] what's your biggest secret? -
[twenty-three] favorite colors? Black.
[twenty-four] do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows? NO.
[twenty-five] what are you eating or drinking at the moment? Plain water.
[twenty-six] you speak any other language? Wish I could.
[twenty-seven] what's your favorite smell? Someone knows best.
[twenty-eight] if you could describe your life in one word what would it be? Crazy.
[twenty-nine] when was the last time you gave/received a hug? Last week, I think.
[thirty] have you ever kissed in the rain? Wish I could.
[thirty-one] what are you thinking about right now? Why is my back aching?
[thirty-two] what should you be doing? Sleeping by now. Sigh.
[thirty-three] what was the last thing that made you upset/angry? Definitely Promos. Screw it all.
[thirty-four] how often do you pray? When I need a miracle. I'm selfish, I know.
[thirty-five] do you like working in the yard? Yeah, if I could I would.
[thirty-six] if you could have any last name in the world, what would you want? I can't think right now.
[thirty-seven] do you act differently around your crush? I don't know.
[thirty-eight] name one song that reminds you of an ex? None, but poetry does.
[thirty-nine] who was the last person to make you cry? I don't know.
//
I might the only one who's sane everyone's going crazy