triangle d'amour

queue
me

upi'm the

twelve

on your

table

i'mso

starstruck

vous avez mon coeur

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/ Saturday, September 29, 2007

Life's pretty screwed sometimes

I have books and files
papers
piled up on my floor
and on my desk
Here's to the Exam Period

One thing I'm sure of
is that my life is gonna change
I know it will

//

So I'm still sick
and getting really pissed off

//

I'm tired
and kinda numb
physically
emotionally
mentally

so yeah
I wish someone would put an end to this
the vexing life I'm put through

//

I don't wanna repeat the same Mistakes

XOXO

/ Thursday, September 27, 2007

I'm angry

so SCREW LIFE

//

Hang in there
hang in there
you can do this
only a few more weeks to go

No but I don't think so

If I could find the tears to cry this all out
I would

XOXO

/ Thursday, September 27, 2007

My nose is more than red ):

Damn flu
A.R.G.H

My ears are blocked
and my nose is clogged
hey it rhymes

-rolls eyes-

//

Okay so I stayed home today
feels weird to be alone
I kept thinking
I should be in school
but yeah I need the one day break somehow

My throat's better
but I'm still not talking much
cos there's no one at home to talk to :/

Studied Chemistry
Did Math
very unproductive

-sigh-

//

Promos are drawing close
and soon
we'll be at the crossroads again

XOXO

/ Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I won't let the full moon tonight go unnoticed
it's just too beautiful

//

Well what am I supposed to do
I'm sick
after I had that crazy combination on Monday
what's worse had Tom Yam Noodles before I came home
Chicken Cutlet for dinner
and yes I know it was entirely my fault
I deserve it ):

I miss my voice
I've been so quiet
I'm not used to it
neither are my classmates
so Please
give me back my voice
):

If I had to go on a diet
consisting of water entirely
I would
):

//

Happier highlights

Took the tube back to Henderson for Graduation
everything sort of fell into place
the moment I was on the 851 with AiShan
it made me euphoric
that I was finally going back
to the school I last spent my four years in

The familiar scent
and recognizable path
every corner and every place
routes that I knew so well
like the back of my hand

Met Bestest (:
Kelin, Mei Qi, and Mui Hoon
headed to the Hall
and yeah
everything rushed back to me again

Too many memories
it'd take me until tomorrow to list them down
but if I could
I would

It was then I realized, deep down
four years
was worth it
I loved the school too much
somehow

We took a back seat in the Hall

Our dear Principal
maybe it's cos I've matured
that's why I'm saying this
she'll be someone I'll respect and honour
entrusted with the responsibility to uphold and glorify Henderson's name (:

Hello girls
you all are very much missed :'(

I had to leave early
cos I wasn't feeling that well
I didn't want to leave
I really didn't
but it was time to go

This path here?
It brings back too much

"I'm gone
as the day is fading"

//

Well school was bad today
I could hardly concentrate

):

ARGH.

XOXO

/ Monday, September 24, 2007

Hey world
sometimes I think I had enough
cos I'm only human
I have my limits

//

Mrs Renee Low decided to screen "Seven Days after 9/11"
or something of that sort
during Int. History lecture this morning
I almost cried
cos it was just so heart-wrenching
all of it

Well when I saw the planes crash into the Twin Towers
and all the smoke and rubble
papers and fire
came rushing toward me from the screen
I felt my stomach grip and twist
and a few minutes later I felt bile at the base of my throat

I really thought I was gonna throw up
right there right then

My stomach churned
like the hydrochloric acid inside was swirling
to find pieces of my sandwich it digested since Chinese period

Went on for Int. History tutorial
I SLEPT
for the first time
I slept for forty-five minutes through-out :/

Kept waking up cos Mr Ong's voice was so loud
and I was sitting up front
I felt my forehead burn
then halfway through
I thought I felt cold beads of perspiration

The feeling of wanting to puke was really bad
so during Break I went to grab a Chocolate Bar
hoping to get Mars but there was Crunchie left instead
and bought Pan Bread from the vending machine

I had a combination of
Crunchie + Wanton Soup + Spaghetti + Mooncake + Pan Bread
for lunch
(Miracle that I didn't get diarrhea)

For awhile my stomach flu came back
cos on the way back from the toilet
I was hit with this sudden sharp pain
in my left abdomen

):

But guess I'm alright now

//

HAHA
Mummy's been telling me to go sleep at 11.30PM -
joke of the day

//

Stupid shot I took
on the way back home

//

Remember
I don't want you to go through
any sort of pain

XOXO

/ Sunday, September 23, 2007

If things could only be this easy
then everybody would be taking the easy way out

But hey
guess it's just not my time yet

XOXO

/ Sunday, September 23, 2007

Pictures
like I promised
but hold up a sec

I slept at 2AM the night before
well the truth was I couldn't get to sleep
I don't really know why

Suddenly I was crying
the pain just got to me
and I felt the tear drops slide down my cheeks
into my ears

All I remembered was telling myself
that it was okay to cry
Everybody Cries
so why shouldn't I
when I feel like it?

Guess I drifted off to sleep after that
I'm okay (:

//

Woke up to sunshine yesterday morning
(somehow God knows it's my cousin's wedding)

-fast forward-
Dad circled the block at Jurong like three times
before finding the right one
and so it was in the middle of the tea ceremony when we arrived :P

Had buffet lunch
hung around
and left for home in like less in 2 hours :/

I met William and Jamie (((:
they're so cute I tell you
and they happen to my Tenth Aunt's sons

Mummy offered a lift to my Tenth Aunt and her husband, Uncle Terry
so that Dad could drop them off at the MRT
and so Jamie and William had to squeeze in the backseat with me :D

That's Jamie ((:
He's totally comfortable sitting on Mummy's lap
playing Pokemon Pinball on his DS
HAHA he can just stand at a spot for half an hour playing that game
so cute I tell you

Didn't get a picture with both of them :/

Started on International History essay when I got home
and by the time I slacked and lazed around it was already five plus

Got changed again
check my outfit

it's simple
cos the wedding's at SENTOSA!

What made me really happy was that
it was almost sunset when we arrived
and it was just so perfect
we could see it slowly sink down
and disappear over the horizon (:

Managed to capture some shots

The whole wedding was out in the open
so the whole place looks like this

Excuse me for the bad photography :/

Other shots

The Bride, Cousin Serene and her Dad (:

Bride with Aunt Sophia (:

:] Me with Cousin Cheryl & Cousin I-Lin <3

Err yes my hand was moving
but eh nice effect can?

Mummy said my hair clip was nice ;)
HAHA so small luh
:(but Frank spoiled my picture - he's right behind me)

And some random shot in the toilet (:

We got bored after dinner
it was another buffet meal
so my cousins and I went off
I played pool against opponents who just couldn't make up their minds if they wanted striped or coloured balls
my cousins went for House of Dead in the Arcade
William and Jamie came awhile later too :D

HAHA so almost a whole group of us were there
either pooling, arcading or playing table tennis

Guessed I played and strained my feet for too long
I was on heels as you might have noticed
and I played like 5 rounds

Dinner ended around 10.30PM
I was just so so exhausted
in the car on the way home
I didn't talk much

It Ends Here

//

This one's for you, honey
breath-taking isn't it

(Credits to my dear Cousin Renay :)

XOXO

/ Saturday, September 22, 2007

Time now 1.28AM
damn
why am I not asleep?

Perhaps I don't mind waiting up for you
maybe I'm not sleepy
but my eyes are swimming
wait
can eyes even swim?

Screw my printer
I think it conked out after I printed 39 + 40 = 79 pages of WR
and now I can't print my essay
:(wonderful)

I'm down
but yeah I guess I'm feeling pretty much okay

Pictures of today's wedding
tomorrow

*sigh

XOXO

/ Friday, September 21, 2007

Well hello
been sleeping for only five hours since Wednesday
and I can't remember what I was doing up so late

Cousin's wedding tomorrow
another day gone to waste
Promos are approaching in two weeks' time or less :/

Now the future seems bleak again
just when everything fell into place
just when I'm getting used to it all
it has gotta change
it will
I know it will
and I'm afraid

Will I be stronger
I really don't know
I don't want to talk about the future
it's about how we live our lives now

//

I have an International History essay to complete
compre and AQ to finish up
loads of revision waiting

Was contemplating to start on my History tonight
but figured I needed to get back my sleep instead

):

//

And you
playful little boy
you mean alot to me
Please don't fall sick
take good care of your health
don't kick Habibu off your bed
(though I have a feeling you kicked your blanket off instead)
Thankyou for all the ways you made me laugh (:
I'm reminded to count my blessings
so I don't wanna go back
let's just Stay at where and how we are

Cos you see
we stood out longer than the rest
its something too real

//

I wanna let you know how its like
when it all feels so fly

XOXO

/ Thursday, September 20, 2007

Deep down I know
they can't be compared
I've stood longer and firmer than the rest
I've taken each savage blow
and so
I must go on

//

Well
screw Integration tests
WRs
printers and inks

all like a vicious cycle

Yeah
that's about all I guess

XOXO

/ Wednesday, September 19, 2007

*New photos up at Photobucket
link from my links (:
(it makes me smile looking at them)

//

I ain't feeling that alright
I'm sitting on the fence
wondering which side to turn my back on

//

& I know you like this song
it's been playing in my head

YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL - RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS

When I see your smile, tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out
how this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven

It's okay it's okay it's okay
Seasons are changing
and waves are crashing
and stars are falling down for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven

Cos you're my, you're my
My true love
My whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cos I'm here for you
Please don't walk away
Please tell me you'll stay
Stay

Use me as your thrill
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven

XOXO

/ Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Time now 12.44AM

I should be sleeping
but I don't really give a damn
I've been crashing way past twelve
tonight don't make a difference

I've wasted three whole hours on a PE project
and I did 98% of it myself
how's that

//

It's just a sudden feeling I get
now I'm feeling the way you did

//

Life sucks
I'm stressed to the shit
so what's new

Got to talk to him after school today (:
well I found myself smiling and laughing
and it all felt okay

//

"& I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
pour real life down on me
cos I can't hold on to anything this good enough
Am I good enough for you to love me too?"

XOXO

/ Monday, September 17, 2007

How did I tell you to manage your anger
what exactly did I say
to cure your heartaches and frustrations
why can't I remember?

This is hard
harder than I'm expected
I'm scared
cos things will change and I KNOW it

All the anger
and the pain
the heartache
coming down at one go
how am I supposed to take it
how am I not supposed to cry

Breaking down
just break it down now

The injustice of life
perhaps its sacrifice
or maybe it's planned to be this way and that

I hate life I really do

I don't want to take my anger out on anyone
I'm sorry I am
nor do I need anyone to see me cry

It just feels all unfair to me
why at this point
why at this time

XOXO

/ Sunday, September 16, 2007

Life's not fair
and we know it isn't

Screw it
those who got their hearts broken but had it healed
those who seem to have everything in life laid out for them
those who make things oh-so-simple
and breeze through life

I don't I don't
Doesn't matter does it

I'm not like them

I don't know why I'm angry
I just am

XOXO

/ Saturday, September 15, 2007

Even I don't know where to start
but there's an end
I'm sure

I don't know
if starting out was good
but ending
well it could make things better

It's almost over
I cried for like two minutes
cos I read
I felt
then it just came
but hey I had cleared up
This girl here
she's gonna stand up and move on

Hey Cindy
glad you thought it over
always do what's best for your heart
and yourself

//

Well today
I set my alarm for 7.10AM
but I slept at 2AM last night :/
woke up all groggy
but pushed myself up anyway

Headed down to Bugis to meet AiShan
breakfast-ed at Macs
walked to NLB
to find the Study Lounge packed ):

So we just sat on the floor
and got chased away after almost an hour
so we proceeded to B1
sat on the floor and used the sofa as a desk
and we got ticked off

It's just a library
okay maybe it's a NATIONAL Library
but STILL.
-rolls eyes-

So fine
AiShan and I sat on the sofa
crossed our legs and tried to continue

HAHA she's so funny I tell you
look -

She's come up with a totally novel way of writing in the style of playing a violin =X
and she claims that, "I write better when it's slanted."

HAHAHAH funny girl

But I
on the other hand
was able to focus (:

I was doing AP, GP and Sigma Notation ):

Wrapped up at two
lunched at Yoshinoya
then AiShan left
I quickly "kop"-ed a place at the corner of Yoshi
so I could study
(& I saw Fanni :)

Left Yoshi at four
decided to head back to the NATIONAL Library's Reference Section
I don't know
it feels like home there
and sometimes it feels alright to be alone

Left the NATIONAL Library at six
and took the 851 home
:D

//

& so I realized
there is still one thing I can't do without you
and even if I took the longer route
I'd still remember
like it happened yesterday

XOXO

/ Friday, September 14, 2007

It is simply in times like these
that I get caught in between
and hurtled into the middle of nowhere
life's just got to be a little less unfair

I'm trapped there
as both sides of the story run and re-run through my head
it's giving me a really bad migraine
it's the first time I've ever been through such a case
where I feel so torn
like crying everytime I talk about it

I've been a friend
and I've done all that I possibly could
I don't know what else I can do
I don't know if I did my best
and it's really confusing me
whether I was right to do this
or wrong to do that
I don't
I don't know

//

At the end of each day
I tell myself
not to forget to count my blessings
to be thankful for the things I have
people that are around me

Still
there's gotta be more to all of this
that in every piece of my life
I somehow feel
that a minute fragment is missing
and it feels like
I'm still trying to find it

//

"What happened
what happened to us"

XOXO

/ Thursday, September 13, 2007

To my dearest CTG125
you guys are the ones who get me through the hardest times
the darkest hours
the reason for my smile
my laughter
and joy
I can't appreciate you guys more
and I promise
to be the best friend that you'll ever have
When you need me
just holler
I'll be there
I will be
<3>

//

As she lowers her head
her heart aches
the tears finally fall

Someone said
no matter how long the night
day will come

//

Cindy dear
I have Faith in you
Please be alright

XOXO

/ Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I'm sorry if I'm not me these days
I'm just feeling weaker each day I guess
I'm getting pulled down by the smallest and simplest things

I must look forward
and if I should turn back
I must know how to numb myself from the pain
but I gotta keep moving on

I think it's the stress from Promos
the countdown's driving me crazy

//

"Look at my face
tell me what do you see in my eyes
when a part of me just dies?"

XOXO

/ Tuesday, September 11, 2007

After all
I'm a girl
I've got my weaknesses and strengths
and there's only so much I can take

It was just so difficult today
I had to keep the tears from falling
as I came crumbling down
inside

Everything came rushing back
no matter how hard I fought against the tide
it flooded and opened old scars
no matter how hard I tried not to look
it cut anyhow
I stood with my arms crossed tightly
my face turned away
as I tried to deny it all
but still

After all
I'm still a girl
I have a heart that can break down inside
I've got things that I chose to hang onto
things that I haven't chosen to let go

Yeah I know I can't let go
this is the pain that I must learn to live with
since I hang onto it
it's my personal heartache

I know I'm just nothing

So yeah I'm still a girl
and she's got the whole night now
to ponder if she should cry
or find new ways to let it all go

XOXO

/ Monday, September 10, 2007

And so
you were there
(thankyou, again :)

Forward, I tell myself
count your blessings
and be thankful
because you almost forgot how scared you were

XOXO

/ Monday, September 10, 2007

I think I'm upset.
And angry.

I think it's karma

//

I'm bored

50 FIRST REACTIONS

1. Beer: Red Wine (:

2. Food: Err. Marche?

3. Relationships: can be the most complicating things on Earth

4. Your crush: I'm not telling :P

5. Power Rangers: Kenny (:

6. Life: *sigh*

9. The President: Me?

10. Yummy: Gummy Bears

11. Cars: Maximum Tune :D

12. Movie: HAHA Ratatouille (:

13. Halloween: October

14. Sex: Sounds fun (X

15. Religion: Umm there was something about Religious Fundamentalism in History lecture today..

16. Friendster: Is wayy too friendly

17. Fear: Losing my loved ones

18. Marriage: Kids?

19. Blondes: Paris Hilton? I don't know. *pukes*

20. SLIPPERS: (:

21. SHOES: IP Zone!

22. Asians: Are the friendliest people around :D

23. Pass time: Daydreaming.

24. One night stands: Kiss My Ass

25: Cell Phone: I love my Samsung.

27: Smoke: Daddy

28: FANTASY: Oooooh

29: COLLEGE: Kiss My Ass (again)

30: Highschool Life: High School Musical :/

31. Pajamas: Paddington Bear (X

32. stars: the You & Me

33. Fitness Center: Mommy

34. Alcohol: Red Wine, again.

37. Money: Is the root of all evil

38. Heartache: Hard to cure

39. Time: 8.54PM

40. Divorce: Separation

41. Dogs: KOKO!

42. UndiES: SpongeBob SquarePants

43. mom: Loves me like Hell.

44. Babies: Adorable

46. Blogs: Life

48. Weddings: Love

49. Pizza: Oooohh yeah.

50. Kleenex : OMG that was so random.

//

Better

School's alright
Math CA4 in the morning
and Organic Chemistry in the afternoon

yeah

//

"I'm not afraid of anything
I just need to know that I can breathe
I don't need much of anything
but suddenly"

XOXO

/ Sunday, September 09, 2007

(:

Remember your GC
& your Formula Sheet

XOXO

/ Sunday, September 09, 2007

I've been staring at these two lollipops since yesterday
and it's been really hard deciding who to give it to

I've finally decided
to give it to the two people who has been there for me
stood by me
the two who had to endure all my rants and raves and what-not

//

Still
it's not the way that I want it to be
and the abrupt change of being left behind
alone
just leaves me colder than before

It's just not there anymore
all of that
and all of this

Look forward,
I tell myself
cos the past is long gone

It is?

//

I STILL - BACKSTREET BOYS

Who are you now
are you still the same
or did you change somehow?
What do you do
at this very moment when I think of you
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?

No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go

I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you

Now look at me
Instead of moving on
I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
that wasn't meant to last

I've tried to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know

That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you

Wish I could find you
Just like you found me
Then I would never let you go

XOXO

/ Saturday, September 08, 2007

HOWDY

I had to postpone tuition just for a stupid skin specialist appointment today
and so
my tuition will be at 8.30AM tomorrow
oh the joy

So anyway
went all the way down to Paragon just for the appointment
which lasted no more than ten minutes
bla bla
and yeah I gotta be put back on anti-biotics again
:/

Lunch at Soup Spoon
then went shopping (:
new blouse
new shorts
new earpieces :D

I was contemplating between headphones and earpieces
but earpieces would be really good for me
when I know I'm into selective hearing

And obviously I chose one that goes after my little bear's name

CLOVER

So yeah that's about it

//

I don't like it like this
I like it better like that

Sigh
:/

What happened to all of those
and all of that

XOXO

/ Friday, September 07, 2007

Sometimes I do ask
what am I doing all these for
and what's there for me at the end

Is it self-sacrifice
or it is just part of me that's willing and wanting
not minding
putting myself last

what?

XOXO

/ Friday, September 07, 2007

Ironic isn't it

how that very very special part of your life that you keep
so close to your heart
so deep that it lives within you
how this very very special fragment
is a little chapter to your life's story
so clear
so true
it really happened
and yes you remember it still

How it brings on so much pain sometimes
as you re-run and re-play the whole chapter
like the director of a play
you skip the parts that were awkward
you delete the parts that shouldn't have been
and fast forward to almost the end
the scene you love most almost rushes out
straight into your embrace

But when it does
it makes your eyes fill
and it grasps your heart
then you become helpless
to all the other sweet memories that come flooding back

Then again
it makes you smile sometimes
like finally the sun's shining through the crimson gray clouds
you giggle
laugh
your eyes sparkle
like the little child that you were
A tinge of heat rises to your cheeks
and you blush
to no one in particular while
feeling the happier times pulsing through your veins

When it does
it lifts your heart
and you know
that you've have had somebody worthwhile

//

"& the world belonged to you & me
I'd go there again
cos it was beautiful"

XOXO

/ Thursday, September 06, 2007

I miss you this much
I think I might cry

I'm crumbling
and the walls are crashing down

XOXO

/ Thursday, September 06, 2007

Well hello

I'm in a state of great pain right now
(lucky not heartache)

Nothing seems to be helping
maybe later I'll cook myself some noodles
and try to eat

My mouth tastes like medicine of all kinds
and the acid's burning a hole in the left wall of my stomach
yeah I think I can feel it
My head's light
heavy
I don't know which

Then again
I've got work to do

Argh
screw life

//

K-BOX with Brian & Ai Shan today
well thank you

XOXO

/ Wednesday, September 05, 2007

"What's the use
what's the point
you've got the wrong girl"

//

So maybe I finally see
that I'm different
and I'm changing
I don't feel like me
I feel changed

Is it really that conspicuous
that the first thing you just have to do
is comment on my acne problem?

No point
really it doesn't make me feel any better
whether I blog it here or not

Through-out dinner I felt really crappy
I ignored everyone
and plugged in music
didn't eat much either
no surprise

Like so many of my aunts say
I'm an living example of a living joke
maybe they picked their baby out of the wrong cot
maybe I'm not meant to be here after all

So I'm different
if there's any resemblance at all
I'm sure it's luck

It's days like these
that I don't believe I should be here

//

Remember that silver watch on Christmas
how you waited to see my eyes fill
and the smile that flit across my face

Remember how we gingerly took it out of its box
how you carefully slipped it on
made sure the latch was just right

Do you know
how I was afraid of scratching it so

It's just another trip down Memory Lane
just like today

XOXO

/ Tuesday, September 04, 2007

SENSELESS BUNCH OF CRAPSHITS

NO RATIONALITY
NO JUSTICE
NO FAIRNESS
NO BRAINS

HOW CAN THEY PUT H2 MATH AND H2 HISTORY/GEOG ON THE SAME FUCKING DAY FOR PROMOS????

K.I.S.S
M.Y
A.S.S

XOXO

/ Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I don't need to be
don't have to be
don't want to be
perfect

I'm just me

Don't you ever try to change that

//

Got woken up by texts this morning
Shian asked me out (:
so we went to Novena
one coming from Yishun
one from Buona Vista
reasonable to meet in the center aye?

And she brought me to eat Pepper Lunch :D
Hahas she was just looking at me eating
and we were yakking away

I had Salmon Rice

Looks like any ordinary Fried Rice
but the taste is like whoa
I added more pepper
and some honey syrup thing

Upon reaching the end, I

did this

and since finishing my meals are like once-in-lifetime miracles

Mission Accomplished!
I scraped the plate clean (:

Since it was freezing we decided to go somewhere else to mug
so we went up to Kopitiam and sat in the open space
And and and
that girl got hungry again

It went like
Shian: I wanna eat
Deb: Go buy laa
Shian: :( *picks at wallet* but.. but..

over and over again
sooo

we shared this

TOMYAM NOODLES
for five bucks :/

I tell you
going out with Shian can drive you insane
you'll just keep eating and eating non-stop!

Hahas so anyway we studied
or tried to
but we talked about almost everything under the sun

Left the place at about 6.30PM
yepp

:D

//

"Until you're back here baby
there's a feeling inside
I want you to know
You are the one and I can't
let you go

And I wonder
are you thinking of me
cos I'm thinking of you"

XOXO

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