triangle d'amour

queue
me

upi'm the

twelve

on your

table

i'mso

starstruck

vous avez mon coeur

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/ Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Feels like it's first time in ages I'm falling sick
argh ):

Everytime I see that poster now
I feel like tearing it down
and throwing it away
cos just one poster
reminds me all of my commitments
the "should-I"s or "should-I-not"s
the Promotional Exams
which I don't really give a damn about
somehow like I said
I'm just going through it all
numbly

But then again here was finally a platform
where I could step up and shine like I did before
I don't know
cos I doubt
am I really that good
because I know
that there are so many others out there better than I am.

Oh
and SCREW EoM.

//

"We spent all our money on stupid things
but if I look back now I'd probably give it all away
just for one more day

you walked away
cos all I need
is one more day with you"

XOXO

/ Tuesday, July 31, 2007

It is true
that people find it so easy to want to stay forever
to say forever
to spend a thousand lifetimes together

when they don't know
what would be there for them in the future?

//

ARGH
should I commit

Ong Cher Tat: Your performance on that night, I was very impressed.
Me: Oh thank you.
OCT: Have you ever considered performing for Teachers' Day? Since you have talent.. might as well..
Me: Oh I'm afraid it's going to take up alot of my time.
*convo will be cut short since my class starts like NOW*
OCT: Just give it a shot lah.. hope I'll see you there! (:

//

Oh God.
My throat hurts ):
What am I supposed to do?

XOXO

/ Monday, July 30, 2007

Do you know
that it was your scent which trailed
that led me on
that it was your eyes which sparkled
that made me shiver
Do you know
that it was your fingers which tightened
that grasped my heart
that it was your very being
right from the very start?

I would stop the world
yes I would if I could
I'd make every moment last

//

Okay
I wanna talk about my skirt
but trying to find the words is just pissing me off

Monday has gone
Tuesday will come

Somehow
I don't wanna know what life has in store for me tomorrow.

XOXO

/ Sunday, July 29, 2007

This is stupid
this is very very stupid

So I got my aunt to alter back the skirts for me
and when I wore them again just now
I realized after she altered them
they don't even touch my knees

I don't know what the school is going to say about this
but I swear
I will tell them I altered them back
and it's just too bad they don't touch my knees
face it -
I'm growing and I'm tall

Stupid school policies
I hate school

All the tests I've been through have just left me demoralized
No matter how hard or how little I study
I'll fail anyway
and we all know it's easier to give up
than to give in

Screw tests
screw school
sure I AM still studying
yeah I AM still gonna give my best shot
and of course I'll fail in the end
but heck whatever
cos I'm just leading this school life
as numbly as I can

I'll waste one year of my life
without meaning
with regrets
at the end of the year if I really leave
I just want my friends to know
that I love them all very much

& yes I am sorry
for making us confused
and ending up here
& I am still sorry
for all the stress I put you through

):

"Let's take this now
before it's gone like yesterday"

XOXO

/ Saturday, July 28, 2007

Like all the other days
I'm far too tired

After school on Friday rushed back home with sweetheart
got changed
and arrived late at SP for some musical concert
>:(the rest were late)
HAHA and John was just hitting some bell thingie
Vanberg counted eighteen times
but I couldn't figure out what he was playing anyway

So yeah after that
took the train down to Somerset
all the pool tables were booked
so we just walked around
and finally home
(after a tiny detour =X)

Well this morning
I was really reluctant to get up from my bed
and go to school
but since I've promised I'll be there
I went :]
Char & I waited for Kenny to finish his detention at 11.30
got changed
met Lynard outside school
met Shian & Yvonne at Somerset
sweetheart came at about two <3
WE POOLE:D :D

And I learnt how to play
yes, finally
It was more like an exercise to me
my fingers and hands were hurting
so were my legs
it's sorta like what happens after I finish squash
=/

At four thirty we wrapped up
Kenny went off to meet other friends
sweetheart and I grabbed a bite at Subway
the rest went for movie :]
speaking of which
I haven't really seen how bad Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix was!

Then sweetheart sent me home
(detoured detoured :)))
Hahas we laughed so much at my doorstep!
I'm so glad you came honey <3
now please stop playing on your DS and start on your homework
so you won't get all angry tomorrow ):

I don't know why
but I doze off when I look at my Chem notes
and I feel so energized
sitting here blogging (:

//

"I've been dying inside to hold you
I couldn't believe what I felt for you"

XOXO

/ Friday, July 27, 2007

Maybe you can't see the rain
but yeah it's alright

//

I got caught for my skirt this morning
I knew it would be my turn sooner or later
the luckier ones are those with skirts shorter than mine
and they don't get caught

But yeah whatever
I got really angry over that for awhile
I just felt that it wasn't fair
if they really wanted to check every girl's skirt
they could've asked all of the girls to assemble in the Hall or something
but it's just injustice
cos I realized they only caught those girls who skirts were short and were late for school.

I wasn't late though
I just so happened to be right there during mass PE
when some woman walked right over to Qin Yi and I
and told us the Principal wanted to see us.

Whatever YJ
whatever lah uh
do what you want
if I could I'd get the guy's pants
or just wear bermudas to school.

//

I gave in
and look what I got.

XOXO

/ Thursday, July 26, 2007

Alone ?

XOXO

/ Thursday, July 26, 2007

It makes me wonder
despite my restlessness

I look around but I don't see the same old faces I saw yesterday
everyday I brush past a new wave of people
couples, somehow
stand out in the periphery of my viewing lens
and it makes me wonder

How did they fall in love
what had made them see the other as wholly perfect?
Do they believe in forever
find a meaning behind why their hands fit
and how their souls connect

How was it meant to be
was it already planned
or did Cupid decide that it would be coincidental?

Remember the time my heart fell for you
you
the one and only star
I never saw how my life would stop
and make an abrupt turn
that led me straight to you

And we walked alongside
until our paths finally entwined.

Do you see
the pretty pictures of the sunsets and sunrises we've painted
the stars we've added to the blackest nights
the forever we claimed rightfully ours

Distant but
I gotta make every moment of my life with you worthwhile

<3

//

Okay so this morning was kinda funny
cos we were supposed to be in the hall already for Assembly
so when the bell rang
majority of us in the canteen were too lazy to get our butts off
UNTIL

Ganesh came striding across the quadrangle to the canteen yelling
instantly everybody sorta like panicked
especially the girls (skirt alert!)
quickly moved towards the Hall

HAHAHA Charlene said he's so scary
if there was a fire
the fire would run away too!

On a random note,
I hate Thursdays.

XOXO

/ Wednesday, July 25, 2007

//

The Math CA this morning was kinda demoralizing
to think I studied so hard
and even got my tutor down for 2 hours
ended up in failure
now I know what it really feels like to lose after you think you've gained so much.

I couldn't help but get really affected by it
cos I thought I would be able to do it
but then again I forgot the YJ standard.

So anyway
God knows where I draw the strength from to just keep doing my work
and not give it all up
I don't know how I'm doing this
but I am

Surprisingly I breezed through the Reaction Kinetic graph questions set for homework (I think)
(was it meant to be easy anyway?)

A lot of drama in school lately
too much to say.

I don't know why I'm not that tired
my legs are just aching
maybe I should go sleep too.

//

I'm sorry I am
The air is still cold
I still need you around
Just don't go.

XOXO

/ Tuesday, July 24, 2007

This month of July is as cold as anything.

Maybe I've been just too pre-occupied that I keep missing things
first my handbook
now my MP3

It was me who returned stuff I saw lying around in the school compound to the GO
like about three to four times
wonder if that someone would do the same if they found mine?

My MP3 is half my life
you know how great a drug music can be
now I feel so lost without it

Sigh
when will things be right for me?

//

"Cos I miss you
body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
and I breathe you
into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
And I love you
whether it's wrong or right
and though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side"

XOXO

/ Tuesday, July 24, 2007

It's still so hard to find a place to go to so I will not think about what we had
But even when I got into the backseat of the car this morning
the freshest of memories came floooding back

Everywhere without you is just so empty
this is all too hard
everything and everywhere
there's bound to be something

I miss you I miss you so

Not seeing you the whole day is already enough
now your shadow disappears after school

I feel like I can't do anything if time has to take you away from me

A few seconds with you would be nice, though.

//

"An answer now is what I need
See it in a new sun arising
See it break on your horizon
Oh, come on love
stay with me"

//

"So keep me awake to memorize you
Give me more time to feel this way
We can't stay like this forever
But I can have you next to me today

If I could make these moments endless
If I could stop the winds of change
If we just keep our eyes wide open
Then everything would stay the same"

XOXO

/ Monday, July 23, 2007

With determination comes strength.
I don't know where I heard that before.

Don't think it all doesn't hurt anymore
it still does
especially when my life can get so fucked not seeing you.

This can just suck so much
URGH.

XOXO

/ Sunday, July 22, 2007

I LEFT MY HANDBOOK AT BUGIS DELIFRANCE!!!!

ARRRRGGHHH!

I HOPE THEY DON'T THROW IT AWAY!!!

Oh shit shit shit.

XOXO

/ Sunday, July 22, 2007

So I burned the whole of Saturday on the CCS concert yesterday >:(
for what was worth
I don't know.

Before my performance I was just so scared
I thought back on the day I performed on-stage with bestie the stupid Chinese song I took so long to learn
I thought back on those times I practiced till late with my girlfriends for Teachers' Day
Now I was alone
But yeah it went okay anyway
I think I was a bit shaky first few lines
but surprisingly the moment I walked on-stage
peered through the darkness
into the crowd
I felt my soul center into one word - peace
and the words were ready.
So yeah
thank you for the applause and all your support (:

Again,
a big THANKYOU for all who came -
Sweetheart, thankyou <3>
Bestie, came all the way down for this aye :D appreciate it!
Justina, Lynard, Cindy, Elizabeth, Alex and all others (:

Was in school from like 9AM to about 7PM for rehearsals and briefings and all
my heels weren't hurting until 6.30PM
Concert started late ended at 10.30PM
My parents sent bestie and sweetheart home (:
I felt happy sandwiched between you two you know!
Bestest friend to my left, my love on my right.
I felt like myself like the world was spinning the right way but I just couldn't feel it
yeah I was happy
thank you <3
Anyway here are some pictures I took
I'm sorry I didn't get to stay back with you Kerine, to take pictures with the choir and everybody we made friends with ):

That's Marcus & Kerine :D

HAHA ZOMG I don't know what happened to Marcus!

Performers of OneTwoFive (:
acting cute uh.
(HAHAHA MARCUS)

So damn shagged when I got home
Didn't even pack the stuff that I was supposed to bring for PW this morning
Met my group members at eleven this morning (good going, not one of you were late :)
always have fun doing PW with them
especially when JunYan gets all serious and I laugh my head off =X
Had lunch at Yoshinoya
then Shian accompanied me to mug at Delifrance till about five before we went home
thank you dear (:

//

Another long week
but it will come and go in a flash
let's all just hang in there
especially you precious
You know my weakness is that I care too much.

XOXO

/ Friday, July 20, 2007

So I just finished packing all my stuff for tomorrow
gonna run through the whole programme twice I think
): it can get just so tiring.

After school rushed to PS to get tickets
(and I realized on the train that I could actually book tickets from my phone but fifty cents would be charged to my bill - I felt so dumb then.)
since so many people had Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was not worth my money,
we decided to watch something else instead - Invisible Stranger.
Too much fighting and gunshots again
I hope I don't nightmares tonight.

There are so many good shows coming up like
Vacancy
Alone
Simpsons
Black Sheep
Secret
etc. but almost all of these are of, uh
terror?

Is it still the seventh month? =/

Anyway I'm really shagged
just want to fall into bed and sleep
but I gotta try finishing up my History at least
so I can focus entirely on PW on Sunday with my group

Did I say?
Math CA test on Wed
Chem test on Thurs
who do you take us as,
superheroes?
We're humans and like you,
we need REST.

I'm going to try History
if not I'll just crash.

A big shout-out to those who bought the tickets for tomorrow's concert -
THANKYOU so much (:
whether you're there to support me or not, hahaha.

Damn I'm so tired.

XOXO

/ Friday, July 20, 2007

Hello world
There's a Math test today but who cares I'm not studying for it
okay I just did - a teenie weenie bit
I'll fail
I don't care

Roar roar
Okay Char I will try to cheer up
Every night I tell myself
"Tomorrow is gonna be a better day"

So yesterday's rehearsal ended at 8PM
Grabbed dinner at BK at NorthPoint with AiShan and Kerine
hailed a cab, dropped AiShan off
and the uncle asked me if I was Chinese or Malay or what
I reached home at 10PM lah uh.

SSP starts tomorrow
but I gotta go for at least 2 more runs of the concert
so I guess I'll be excused
Bestie are you coming to my concert or not? :(

Mmm what else
yeah guess that's just it
Supposed to do my Chinese and History today
cos my whole of Saturday will be occupied
and Sunday is well.. reserved
hopefully =/
but as usual the computer is just SO distracting.

I want to watch Harry Potter tonight
and I want to eat all the ice cream I can have.

//

"When you look back on the times we had
I hope you smile
and even through the good and through the bad
I was on your side when nobody could hold us down
We claimed the brightest star and we
came so far we won't forget"

XOXO

/ Thursday, July 19, 2007

I stare at this blank page and nothing comes
simply because my brain is not functioning anymore.

I have a Math test tomorrow
A Math CA test next Wed
A Chem test next Thurs
and what else?

Time doesn't fly
it jets

Like I always am
I'm tired

):

XOXO

/ Thursday, July 19, 2007

"I hope the ring you gave her turns her finger green
I hope when you're in bed with her, you think of me

Could you tell
by the flames that burnt your words

I never read your letter
cos I know what you'd say
Give me that Sunday school answer
try to make it all okay

Ignorance is bliss"

//

I'm feeling pretty angsty today.
I don't know.
Oh maybe it was what happened in the so many days

//

Urgh yeah whatever.

XOXO

/ Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Turn it away
turn it all upside down

//

The aching numbness from my muscles and bones
don't hurt as much
as the sense of uselessness I feel

Every moment you needed me
I was there
but I couldn't be your rescuer
I couldn't be your safe harbour
I couldn't be the one that makes you feel better
I couldn't be
I can't

//

Stab-in-the-Heart

XOXO

/ Tuesday, July 17, 2007

People wear masks
don't they?

People hide their feelings
don't they?

Because they think others can't see the pain beneath the hidden smile
they think the others don't know how it all feels
but they do
I know you all do.

I'm sorry for the fake smiles
the trying laughter
I just don't want you guys to feel worried for me

You do know exactly how it feels
but I'm pushing it all away with big smiles
and enthusiastic goodbyes
but what can I do

I confess
every night I pray to God
I was selfish to have never believed He existed
I was too quick to say I'm a free thinker
but I'm so so sorry
I just needed something to believe in

I wait so long
the prayers get answered sometimes
but the things that I want changed
stay the same

Every day it gets harder and harder to walk away
and walk on
but it gets easier and easier
quicker and faster
to numb myself from all that my body doesn't want to feel

//

Shadows of the past
fades away in the crimson light
the rain an abrupt pour of tears
kills the silhouettes of their sight

//

One whole year
and counting.

XOXO

/ Tuesday, July 17, 2007

HAHAHAHA

Library scene-

Dylan: What's that tree called you know that what tree ah
Debbie: What tree??!
Prunella: Mistletoe lah tree
Debbie + Char: HAHAHAHAHA
Kenny: Mi-so-to?
Debbie: HAHAHAHAH that Malay food that mee soto!
Kenny: Huh?
Debbie: MI-STLE-TOE!
Kenny: Ohh eh I very hungry!

They make me laugh (:

//

& this marks one year.

XOXO

/ Monday, July 16, 2007

It's funny how I'm scared by the thought.

Would anything else change from this time on?

"I know what my heart have always known
that love has a power that's all on it's own

we will go on beyond goodbye."

XOXO

/ Sunday, July 15, 2007

Whatever la uh

I can't do Math
I can't do Chem
I'm stuck here

I'm so angry

The music's not helping
nothing is

Don't tell me that anymore
cos I know there won't be.

"Good things come to those who wait"
really?

Give Me something to Believe In.

\\

"I'll be your best friend and you can be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
cos I wanna hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds"

\\

Maybe I'm not as beautiful
Maybe you've stopped believing

I don't want to ask but I still will
do you still remember the day?

XOXO

/ Saturday, July 14, 2007

The past lives within me
does it mean I can't let go?

Everywhere I go it reminds me of you.
What am I supposed to do?

I didn't feel it that much
not until when I took the bus from Tiong Bahru mall
one stop down I got off
the moment my foot touched the ground
it felt like reality hit me
and I was transported back in time.

I looked around
the sky the clouds the gradual fading of light
the people the cars the peaceful atmosphere

this was the way you would get me home
this was the route we took
the same exact things we've seen and heard.

This was the You and Me.

I hurried along like I had no sense of direction
I tried to push back every single scene that we created when we were there
I saw flashes of you waiting
snapshots of us walking
the story of us being together.

Instinct made me turn left instead of going straight
Somehow I just had to see that place all over again
and perhaps see that happy image
of the You and Me.

Numbness seeped through
no tears
no stab-in-the-heart
no pain

I couldn't stay there forever.

XOXO

/ Saturday, July 14, 2007

I'm staring at this page my head is swimming
everything feels like it's turning upside down
inside out
I'm tired
you're not the only one who hates 8 to 5
I have as much homework
you're not the only one who has the worst bits of life
I do
I do too.

Here I am still blogging
thinking about tomorrow
thinking about tonight
how am I gonna break the news to my Mom that I got 48
how I'm such a failure.

I'm tired
all I want is to go sleep
but I can't
cos like you
I've got homework
can't watch Transformers with my cousin who came out of NS.

\\

But then again
who was there when the world came crashing down
me

Just Listen.

XOXO

/ Friday, July 13, 2007

I was staring at my comp and wondering what I've missed.

School was alright
though I'm beginning to hate it
the reasons I'm there are my friends and family I guess
and for the sake of my education
if I retain
I'll definitely go somewhere else.

YJ does far too much
there's only so much each of us can take
like having stupid workshops on a Saturday
8AM to 5PM
when we all need our rest
you think it's fun?
I don't think so uh.

So who would have ever thought I got an S for GP
48 marks
for the first time in my life I've failed English
surprising?

My essay had lots of red ink wasted
if you didn't want to mark it you don't have to
cos seriously
every paragraph there were at least four lines underlined
labelled "exp" (expression).
When the hell did I have problems expressing my ideas?

I felt so disappointed with myself
I tried so hard to hold back my tears
I wanted to break down
but you guys were there to tell me it was alright
thank you.

After school
Char, Shian and myself went to NorthPoint
I got changed and took the tube to Somerset, Cine
watched them play pool.

\\

TO-DO LIST:
-Chem Q1-8 (Mon)
-GP Text Five & Research on Conflicts in Thailand (*graded)
-Math Tutorial Matrix (EW)
-SEA File recheck
-Check Chinese Linstening Compre. seating plan
-Entry Proof & IC on Tues
-SEA test on Reconstruction & Decolonisation facts (Wed 18/7)

\\

I close my eyes
and there in the shadows I see your light
You come to me out of my dreams across the night

We've circled the moon and we've touched the sun

\\

I know
my weakness is that I care too much
but that's because I love you.

XOXO

/ Friday, July 13, 2007

Oh man I think I'm coming down with sore throat
I think it was the western food and the Nips and all the chocolate and everything else but heck who cares
I'd rather fall sick

I'm tired
I can't make up my mind

Now I'm afraid of you
I don't know why
Now I'm falling deeper
We're gonna race time

I knew time was never enough
It's okay
or is it?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO
MARTIN &
LYNARD (please take care of your health :)

ENJOY THE SEVENTEEN!
(:

XOXO

/ Thursday, July 12, 2007

"I can't sleep
everything I ever knew is a lie
without you

I can't breathe
when my heart is broken in two
there's no beat
without you

You're not gone
but you're not here
at least that's the way it seems tonight"

\\

Please just tell me it'll be okay
I want it to be okay
Please please.

XOXO

/ Thursday, July 12, 2007

I think I've thought it over
What's holding me down are the chains of the past
After so many nights of praying
and wishing for a miracle
I know the past will never ever return for sure

So I gotta move on
No more "remember we did this"
"remember we said that"
"do you still remember"

I don't wanna leave it all behind
and pretend it never happened

How do I forget
it was all too sweet
now it's gone
Girl you gotta move on

They say
the more of the past you carry around
the less room you have for the present

but what if the past is all I want
and the present can wait?

Of course it's not coming back
it's never going to
I know,
I know.

XOXO

/ Thursday, July 12, 2007

"I remember the times we spent together all those drives
we had a million questions all about our lives

Never thought not having you here now
would hurt so much"

If I fell to suicide
If the cars crashed
Would you run to my side
Would you be there in a flash

If I start to tremble
If the blood begins to seep
Would you hold me tight
Would you wonder why

If I reached out for your hand
If I tried to open my eyes
Would you interlock our fingers
Would you whisper "Please don't die"

If I breathed my last
If I went away
Would you cry
Would you die
Would you want to do the same?

"And all those things you said that night
that just couldn't wait
All the times we spilled our coffees
and stayed out way too late
and how to not look back even if no one believes us

when it hurts sometimes
not having you here

& every night I miss you
I can just look up
& know the stars are holding you tonight."

XOXO

/ Wednesday, July 11, 2007

If only the people knew
what they feel in their hearts every time during their very first times
the
"I can't live without you" and
the
"I can't let you go"s

in time
it will go.

They will find and
they will know.

XOXO

/ Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Because there's only so much I can take
I'll stop
finish this up
and sleep.

I need it.

A bad weekend
means a bad week in school.

I think I had a nightmare last night
dreamt that I was somewhere I didn't know
it was all so scary
I was alone
I woke up crying
I don't know how I managed to go back to sleep
was just too tired I guess.

And at 5.30AM the Bacardi Breezer bottle Char & Justina got for me as a birthday present fell to the floor cos the wind from the fan was somehow that strong
so it just crashed on the floor
and woke me up
I had this funny feeling that the bottle did not smash into pieces
so I just left it there until I woke up
(Sorry darlings!)

As much as I want to rant and rave about what happened
I think again and it's completely pointless
and a waste of time
though I seriously think it's NOT MY FAULT.

So
happy highlights

The western stall had Fish&Chips today!
Mmm so like six to eight of us were queuing
and then the auntie came to tell us that they ran out of fish! ):
So we all decided to have the same stuff on the plate -
fries, hotdog, omelette, baked beans, garlic bread and did I forget anything else?

Since we were like the last few queuing up
and finally happy to get our food
we looked like this

:D
Since there would be Fish&Chips on Wed
we were saying we would book in advance with auntie on Monday
remind her again on Tuesday
and get the food on Wednesday!
Mmm that was MY suggestion! (:

And and and
the Fish&Chips were selling so fast
the utensils looked like this

Man I thought we were gonna use plastic forks and knives
but auntie gave us proper cutlery like magic!

After school there was investiture
and teachers had told the Squash people not to make so much noise
as if the walls were not made of bricks =/

So I just yelled and screamed anyway
since I was feeling so screwed up
(Sorry Cindy, I hope you're feeling better now that you've told me?)
(And thank you Kerine for trying to calm me down)

I emo-ed anyway
I felt like it
it feels good to emo on and off

But then again
Never Had I Wanted to Cry So Much

Random I know
that's my squash racket.

\\

So please
let's just do it right
I'm so tired of all the waiting
this insanity
the nothingness

Tell Me
if You Hear Me

do you want to do it all over again?

XOXO

/ Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Ouch
it wasn't what I wanted.

Just So You Know.

XOXO

/ Tuesday, July 10, 2007

They shot me down
They say
the higher you climb the harder you fall
it's true

I didn't feel the impact of my failures
until today and I don't know why

They're pushing us really too hard
I don't like it
I'm sorry
we should have gone somewhere better
I'm sorry
I made your life so unbearable

But I couldn't help being weak
I was far too tired to cry

This empty seat beside me
that empty space
that souless void
nothingness

I guess I'm still as selfish
to want to draw that same reassurance from you
but you've changed
you're right you did
I forgot that I won't be able to hear the same words from you

I miss you so, baby
the past you.

But you're still you
no matter what

"We laughed
we cried
and all those times we felt so alive
it was You and Me
you grabbed my hand and you made me see
What it could Feel like
and what it might Be like
when we wrote our names in the sand

some things always last"

\\

Emo-ed today again in school
I'm sorry if I had such a black face the whole day
I couldn't help getting upset over my results
and even more upset when I saw an E for History
C for CSE

So YJ tell me
how does it feel to see us fall
Does it make you wonder
if we were really serious at all?

I might not be the A student
but I think I shouldn't be defeated
it's not worth it
Even though I know I might not be able to prove you wrong
but hey
a little improvement goes a long way
Just you wait and see.

"Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are"

My tutor rated the Math Block Test paper on his personal difficulty scale
I guessed 5/10
but he said 8.5/10

It's not Mid-Year standard
it's Prelim standard!

Darn it.

So yeah that's quite about it.

I have 8 graphs to draw
Chemistry Periodicity test on Thurs
"A" Level Oral tomorrow

I'm sorry
I really am
We shouldn't be here at all

XOXO

/ Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Hello world
part two

All the first times are nothing but sweet
things that last too long
will somehow
fade
fade
disappear
the Love & Promises
Oaths & Vows
will somehow
be forgotten.

Do You Remember
Cos I Do I Do
Do you think of going back going back
Cos I Do I Do

so whenever you get weary
just reach out for me
i'll never let you down
my love

\\

And so I know
as I see broken hearts
and on-the-edge relationships
all the undecisive moments

I believed in forever
but there's no such dream
no such thing
no such word.

\\

I wish you could make me realize
that all of this is still real.

XOXO

/ Monday, July 09, 2007

I'm so tired
all I want to do is sleep but I can't
I got tests to study for
revision to do
I'm hungry
I didn't eat alot for dinner
now I gotta cook my own

\\

It's not that I'm ignoring you
I just don't know what's good to say
Please be strong.
I really don't want to see you like this.

\\

Is it selfish of me to start praying
Is it really stupid of me to never have believed in God my whole life
I feel lost and my strength's gone
there's nothing else I can seek truth and comfort from
except these prayers every night.

\\

I'm scared.
I want to cry.

\\

Hello world
who knew it'd be all so different?

Got back my Math paper - U
My Chem is already a U
what more do you want?
I'm doomed for SSP
a bad weekend
and now this.
The insanity will never stop.

Had moodswings off and on the whole day
Char wanted me to put this up on my blog
and she says I should feel ashamed about it >:(

It says
"Hello. My name is Charlene. I have a half-cut strawberry nose & I'm proud of it :D"

(Well that's what Prunella said!)

Emo-ed almost the whole day.
When I emo
I write on my hand.

Ugly I know
but who cares.

\\

Walked home today
there was no sunset
the clouds were grey
there was too little light

No stars
there are no stars when it's about to rain

I felt the first raindrops light on my skin
Instinct turned my palm upwards
but somehow the cold drops of rain fell on my face instead
like tears

The wind it swept easily through my fingers
it tried to push me back
the trees shook
the leaves fell
it was getting dark
the night was closing in
My Shadow's the One that Walks Beside Me

I walked on.

\\

"The trouble with love is
it can tear you up inside
make your heart believe a lie
it's stronger than your pride"

XOXO

/ Sunday, July 08, 2007

I saw my own fear flash before my eyes
and I'm so scared.

I'm so so scared.

I Wish You Were Right Here, Honey.

XOXO

/ Sunday, July 08, 2007

Flared up at the whole world today
left my house for Grams at 3
settled down and studied and did my work.

It's in that place where I truly belong.
I've been there sixteen years
why not?

Took the tube back home
sat on the rounded bench at the CC opposite my block
the sky was inky black
I saw one star
but it disappeared.

And so I realized
what's been too long
will definitely fade
what's meant to be
will never be forever.

\\

"I'm only human
of flesh and blood."

XOXO

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