As I've promised - pictures from yesterday.

Though I'm still feeling a little down
and afraid
I don't know what will happen next
But I'm ready for anything
is my heart prepared?

So had dinner with my lovelies at HardRock last night,
sorry YuHwang and I were late!

HardRock - bar + restaurant?

Since we were kinda late,
we didn't get a table until 8.10PM
and there were nine of us.

So while we were waiting,
I shocked Jahan.

Mmm not so clear cos the lighting was especially bad,
not my camera's fault =/

Then when we finally got settled,

everybody was so happy their movements were too fast
so everything ended up blurring.
I call this the Yuping blur.

This is the YangLing blur.

And this is the YuHwang blur.

Okey then food!
I had Potato Skin (okay don't laugh) and Apple Cobbler dessert with YanTing :D
(We didn't finish the icecream in the end & Brian said it looked rotten =/)

There's the Potato Skin
only the starter,
been having a small appetite lately.
(Honey, I'll learn from your mistakes.)

Then we decided we should take some really nice and memorable pictures,

I mean,
who gets happy to be murdered?
=P

Ivy, myself & YuPing.
(Ivy has nice lighting! No fair!): )

YuHwang, myself & and bestie YanTing :D
(YH, thanks for going through all the crap with me again!)

Brian & myself (: (:
Brian, stop laughing ah. I know it's damn funny what happened.

And the not so nice picture-

YangLing, myself & Jahan.
Jahan, I don't know what you're doing ah,
but I swear you made me look stupid.
Hahas.
And don't leave early next time!

And there was a performance!
Only managed to capture two out of three of them cos our table was close to the stage.
Mmhmm they sang oldies like
"Everything I Own" - Bread
"How Deep is Your Love" - Air Supply
andd I couldn't recognize the rest.

Okay sorry,
bad lighting.
The bill was scary - $153.25!

So we paid, and left.
It stopped raining outside,
but it was still drizzling slightly.
Thankyou my lovelies for walking me down to Cine! (:

One last group picture
I think this is the nicest!

<333
You guys are my forever.

\\

No no no please don't
I don't know if I am.

I said I would just go home, bathe and sleep.
But now
I don't feel like sleeping.
Or closing my eyes and opening them again
cos I know I won't be able to drift away.

Its only 1AM.
It's not my bedtime yet.

I don't care
nobody should.

So here I am
curled up comfortably on my chair
my phone charging cos it went dead at 12AM exactly (sorry Brian!)
my head's spinning
I'm tired
I'm just so fecking tired

I should learn how to cry.
I haven't been crying.
Maybe by only doing that
it'll make me feel better.

So yeah anyways
thanks guys for the fabulous night at HardRock Cafe (pictures promised tomorrow!)
and walking me down to Cine.
Really really appreciate you guys -
Ivy/YuPing/YanTing/Jahan/YangLing/AiShan/YuHwang/Brian.

Mmm really missed you all a hell lot.
):

\\

Surprisingly Avril can somehow put all my feelings down
in lyrics.


WHEN YOU'RE GONE - AVRIL LAVIGNE

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie, is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever,
I know we were
Yeah yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do,
I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you right here with me

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

\\

PS: I WOULD GIVE TRANSFORMERS A MILLION STARS OUT OF FIVE.
IT KICKED-ASS.
YOU JUST GOTTA WATCH IT.

\\

And so I wonder,
for so many of the roads I've crossed just to get there,
what happened if the car really crashed?

So I ripped this off LiWen's blog.
:D

RULES:
1.Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the title of that song down no matter how silly it sounds!

=/

Here we go.

If someone says "Is this okay?" you say?
What I've Done.
(yeah, what have I done?)

What would best describe your personality?
It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish.
(Hahas, so gothic.)

What do you like in a guy/girl?
I Don't Wanna Fight No More.

How do you feel today?
Beep.
(Yeah. Really BEEP.)

What is your life's purpose?
Beautiful.
(:

What is your motto?
Empty Apartment.

What do your friends think of you?
Helena.
(You guys think I'm goth?!)

What do you think of your parents?
How to Touch a Girl.
(Ha? So-no-link lah.)

What do you think about every often?
Fool Again.

What do you think about your besties?
Give it to Me.
(Give what? =X)

What do you think about the person you like/love?
From the Bottom of My Broken Heart.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Baby It's You.

What do you think when you see the person you like/love?
Too Little, Too Late.

What do your parents think about you?
Miss You Nights.

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Hook Up.

What will they play at your funeral?
Breakaway.

What is your hobby/interest?
Me Against the Music.

What is your biggest fear?
Pretty Baby.

What do you think of your friends?
Lying From You.

\\

Oh
So
Random

Yep so the block tests are finally over.

Math was uber shitty
GP I was rushing through and the first time I sweated like hell
CSE surprisingly was alright
Chinese was okay too
History SEA I smoked, International I wrote hell lot (4 essays in three hours)
Chemistry can go away.

Mmm so yeah.
Nothing much to say.

Happy Sweet Seventeen, precious
No matter what
I'll be there for you always.
<3

When the phone rings,
I'm wishing it was you waiting on the other line
for me to pick up the call.
So you can hear that voice you've longed
but never got to hear the whole day.

But I guess not.
I guess imagination takes too tight a hold on me.

Well it used to be.
Used to be you calling at these times.
Used to be you asking me about my day.
Used to be you and me on the line,
silent
but we can hear each other breathe.

Reminds me of so many things then.
Too many
one after another.
And another
leading back to the other.

Everything I do now is like I just came out from the dream of the past
I still do the same things I do
'cept that
I do it alone.

Past
I still can't let go of you and
present
I'm living in you but
my heart and soul still hangs on to past
I can't let go.

):

WHEN YOU'RE GONE - AVRIL LAVIGNE



\\

"When you walk away I count the steps that you take..

All I ever wanted was for you to know,
everything I'd do,
I'd give my heart and soul."

\\

I cried after I watched this.

Shout-out to all my lovelies who tagged recently-
thank you (:

but

I still will continue to be slightly emo.
=/

Mmm yeah,
guess it's the exams
and
other stuff.

Every part of me is telling me not to hang on to the past,
there's no point
no meaning
since I realized nobody can invent a time machine to let me relive the past
if just for one day.
This part of me is telling me to move on
move on
just walk on
forget it
it's gone
just go on
move ahead
erase your bittersweet past
cos everything has changed
and it's never coming back.

For that I know
I'm never gonna hear the same words
I'm never gonna see the same texts
I'm never gonna feel the same assurance, warmth or security,
ever again.

And so
I'm never gonna do this all over again.

That's why it hurts.

I think I'm just lost.
Really lost.

And hey,
just thinking about all these thoughts are driving me insane.

I need to scream this all out one day.
Just
One
Day

):

12.02AM

So
good luck to all my block tests
good luck to all your block tests
good luck to all our block tests.

Gahh.

\\

No more "I love you"s and
smiley faces.
It hurts.
Guess it don't matter to you,
does it?

I was f**king emo yesterday.

So am I today.

And why the hell do we still need to hand in homework before our block tests start?
It's pure dumbness.

And so I wasted quite abit of time downloading Kelly Clarkson's new album, "My December".
Before I listened to the songs,
I looked at the lyrics.
And after I listened to the songs,
I think she's really turning into MCR.

Yeah you can get the songs from me if you want.

\\

I've got nothing left to say.
Everything remains unchanged.
Do I have to do the same?

I'm fucking down right now.

Every damn thing is affecting me.

My head hurts
- cos I've been having sleepless last nights
- cos I've been stressing myself out

My eyes hurt
- but I haven't been crying

My heart hurts
- its not that emotional pain I always get
- its just.
- it just felt like my heart turned to stone

I saw my Mom cry today
- cos my other relatives don't know how to value family ties
- cos she's given so much for them

\\

I need to talk to you.
Even if I can't get my words out,
I need you to at least sit and hold me beside you.
It's the only way I can find assurance right now.
You don't have to say anything.
I need you just to be here,
before my heart turns into something harder than stone,
before everything comes crashing down on me.

\\

I feel so suffocated.
Everyday revision is drowning me.
I don't think I'll be able to do my best.

\\

I hear my parents argue everytime my Dad returns home.
I don't even try to turn up some music.

\\

The cars have crashed, one by one.
I didn't need another one to come tonight.

\\

I'm so tired.
Where are you,
I need you to teach me how to cry,
cos I just can't fight any longer.

Maybe you should know,
that I've been through so many sleepless nights.

Mmm yeah.

Come on baby,
let's just do this right.

Okay Pru, I ripped this off your blog.

Perhaps I was just as bored (:

How well have you travelled?
East-West

[X] Changi Airport - had BK, sat those what-you-call-those, uh, shuttle trains? sweet memories.
[X] Expo - to watch some Asian superstar thing; another page of memories. *sigh
[X] Pasir Ris - chalet early this jan; ANOTHER set of memories.
[ ] Tampines -
[ ] Simei -
[ ] Tanah Merah -
[X] Bedok - 9th aunt's crib (: cousins are my lovelies!
[ ] Kembangan -
[ ] Eunos -
[ ] Paya Lebar -
[X] Aljunied - ex-choir BBQ (:
[X] Kallang - National Stadium
[ ] Lavender -
[X] Bugis - for vocal lessons & Mos Burger & Funan & going crazy with bestie! <3
[X] Raffles Place - ditto.
[ ] Tanjong Pagar -
[X] Outram Park - the hospital, I forget I went there to visit who =X
[XXXXX] Tiong Bahru - my childhood place, my gran's crib, the place I grew up.
[X] Redhill - HAHAHA =X
[X] Queenstown - yeah, to get those class chalet shirts.
[X] Commonwealth - my Dad dropped me there so I could top-up my Ez-Link.
[X] Buona Vista - this is where I am.
[X] Dover - some concert at SP (:
[ ] Clementi -
[X] Jurong East - yeah, just to switch trains to and fro.
[X] Chinese Garden - sweetheart & I took the wrong train, and ended up here :D
[X] Lakeside - yeah, that horrible day when I tried to appeal to JJ ):
[ ] Boon Lay -

North-South

[ ] Bukit Batok -
[X] Bukit Gombak - er, was it for PW?
[ ] Choa Chu Kang -
[ ] Yew Tee -
[ ] Kranji -
[ ] Marsiling -
[X] Woodlands - IJ ):
[ ] Admiralty -
[ ] Sembawang -
[X] Yishun - HAH, school & NorthPoint I guess.
[ ] Khatib -
[ ] Yio Chu Kang -
[ ] Ang Mo Kio -
[ ] Bishan -
[ ] Braddell -
[X] Toa Payoh - mmm the library.
[X] Novena - to meet sweetheart.
[X] Newton - dropped off there so sweetheart's uncle could pick us up.
[X] Orchard - HAHAHA.
[X] Somerset - yepp.
[X] Dhoby Ghaut - to PS for all those moviiies :D
[ ] Marina Bay -

(ZOMG this section is so blank!)

North-East

[X] Harbourfront - Sentosa & Vivocity (:
[x] Chinatown - flagday!
[X] Clarke Quay - with family.
[X] Little India - ZOMG. The first and last time I went there by car, it was like they were having a revolution.
[ ] Farrer Park -
[ ] Boon Keng -
[ ] Potong Pasir -
[ ] Serangoon -
[X] Kovan - with AiShan to GB HQ (:
[ ] Hougang -
[ ] Buangkok -
[ ] Sengkang -
[ ] Punggol -

THAT IS IT,
alright?

You get everything you ever wanted,
I don't.

\\

You've left me with absolutely nothing to say.
& please don't just say the things that I DON'T wanna hear,
over and over and over again.

now if you were the only one in this world, ur heart wouldn't exist would it? says:
loll

now if you were the only one in this world, ur heart wouldn't exist would it? says:
go study la

debbie} my paper heart will bleed// says:
yaalaa

now if you were the only one in this world, ur heart wouldn't exist would it? says:
be a good girl

debbie} my paper heart will bleed// says:
i will kill you on monday

now if you were the only one in this world, ur heart wouldn't exist would it? says:
loll

now if you were the only one in this world, ur heart wouldn't exist would it? says:
why???

debbie} my paper heart will bleed// says:
hahaha

debbie} my paper heart will bleed// says:
i AM a good girl

now if you were the only one in this world, ur heart wouldn't exist would it? says:
loll

now if you were the only one in this world, ur heart wouldn't exist would it? says:
be a better girl

debbie} my paper heart will bleed// says:
okok fiiine

now if you were the only one in this world, ur heart wouldn't exist would it? says:
hahaha

//

The Debates of
LYNNIE & I.

I'll say it, right here, right now.

I'll kiss whoever that can invent a time machine.

Because I gotta go back in time and see what other bits and pieces of happiness I've missed.

Why didn't I cherish each day?
Why didn't I try to move slowly with time,
record and write down the reason for each smile,
video the moments of so much craziness and laughter?

Every school day last year,
was just another page of my life.
Who'd ever know the hours would arrive and disappear,
the days revolving into months, into years.

Perhaps in this life,
we can never really grasp the skill of how to cherish every happy moment.
Because when we live in it,
we forget how to capture it, treasure it.
In that one split second, it's gone.
That's when we look back and regret, I guess.

I don't wanna care about sitting under the hot sun in the mornings,
listening to the Principal's rants and ravings.
I don't wanna care about the boredom that comes and goes during the subject periods that we dread.
I don't wanna care about long queues during breaktime.
I don't wanna care about the responsibilities weighing down on my shoulders.
Nor either do I wanna care about ten-year series, revision papers and what-not.

All I want is to be with my friends all over again.
If I could,
I'd be the best friend you'll ever have,
I promise.

I know I can't possibly go back to the past,
nor can I try to stop time from slipping by right now.

And like you all do,
on your most emptiest days,
even when the one you love most has forsaken you,
the past just seems to comfort you most,
but you're just caught between whether to laugh or cry.

"I remember the days we spent together were not enough,
it used to feel like dreaming except we always woke up,
never thought not having you here now would hurt so much-

I remember the time you sat and told me about your Jesus,
and how not to look back even if no one believes us,
when it hurts so bad sometimes not having you here -

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you,
I can just look up
And know the stars are holding you, holding you
Holding you tonight."

"Tonight" - FM Static

\\

And I finally realized twenty-four hours a day are just not enough.

Third post for the day,
it is already 1.04AM.

And yay the dog's gone.
Gave him to my Dad's friend's Mom.

Let peace befall on me, hooray.

Pictures.

You know,
you're really cute.
It's just that you bark a HELL LOT.

And this is what happens when you bark non-stop.
You sleep.
(:
What's more,
right outside my room door.

MapleStory's jet lag.


Prayers will be heard,
things will be alright.
I trust in You.

"Birth is suffering, decay is suffering, death is suffering; sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief, and despair are suffering. To be separated from the pleasant is suffering; to be in contact with the unpleasant is suffering; in short the five aggregates of existence connected with attachment are all suffering."
-Buddha

Yeah yeah and I'm suffering from I-Am-Not-Sure-If-The-World-Or-Me-Went-Crazy Syndrome.

--

I learnt a new word -
inimical.
It fits in perfectly right now.

--

"Humans model themselves on earth,
Earth on heaven,
Heaven on the Way,
And the way on that which is naturally so."
-Laozi, Daodejing #25

Define chimology.

MMMPPFFHH.

OK, so I finally managed to get started on freaking CSE.

Confucius: We don't know yet how to serve men, how can we know about serving spirits?
His student: What about death?
Confucius: We don't know yet about life, how can we know about death?

I cannot give you guys a smiley face still,
will this do?
=/

Thinking back the past weeks of May and June,
I realized it's really been like messed up.

Some days I feel like shit,
other times I feel pain.
Emotional pain, physical pain.
Then on lucky days I feel fine.

And my Daddy had to agree to keeping his friend's dog.
IT BARKED AT MY DOOR FOR AN HOUR WHEN MY DAD WENT OUT CAN?!

Then, it kept quiet.
I went to bathe -
BARK BARK.
I went downstairs to get lunch -
I COULD HEAR IT BARKING FROM THE LIFT CAN?!

Like,
ZOMG lah.
Enough of this craziness already!
)):

I want to be normal for a day.
Please, God, please.


And now you don't feel the same,
now you don't care I'm alive,
how did we let the fire die?

I'm just so so tired.


BOSTON - AUGUSTANA

In the light of the sun, is there anyone?
Oh it has begun
Oh dear you look so lost
Eyes are red and tears are shed
The world you must've crossed,
you said

You don't know me
You don't even care
Oh yeah
She said
You don't know me
You don't wear my chains
Oh yeah
Yeah

Essential yet appealed
Carry all your thoughts across an open field
When flowers gaze at you
They're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said

You don't know me
You don't even care
Oh yeah
She said
You don't know
You don't wear my chains
Oh yeah
Yeah

She said I think I'll go to Boston
I think I'll start a new life
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name
I'll get out of California
I'm tired of the weather
I think I'll get a lover,
and fly 'em out to Spain
I think I'll go to Boston
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice
Oh yeah

You don't know me
You don't even care

Boston
Where no one knows my name, yeah

.anymore would we things the do won't we Maybe
?together study and sit still we Could
?dinner for pays who over argue still we Would
?things stupid on money our all spend and arcade the crash still we Could
?rooftops Esplanade and Daaz Hagen over contemplate still we Would
?moments private our during other each feed still we Could
.things many so, so Just
.land-lala to off I'm and, 2AM
.honey, goodnight you wish to want still I
.back it say won't you if Even
.same the feel don't you if Even

The word is
EMPTY.


baby,
on go to how know don't i
you for difficult things made had i if sorry i'm
much too was me with stay to you asking
hurt would go to you asking
once this just for myself blame me let
now smile you make cannot i
try did i but
ending of verge the on were we when nights those remember
fear to morning next very the up wake i'd
you losing fear i
you without suffocate i
say they like
you to addicted i'm
yours still i'm
go you where matter don't it
want you if go let can you
you stop won't i time this
there be always i'll but fade may love
you promise i

Another long scrollbar.

Hais.
Feelings like these are so hard to bear.

Well at least I got to see Frankie today.
These are the crazy pictures we took.

I don't know.
Don't ask me why.

Hahaha.

The UNGLAM shots-

He wanted me to use this as my WALLPAPER!
=/

And OF COURSE I'm tired!

Chasing Cars.

& I'm off.

How does it feel like to have the longest scrollbar,
and the empty night,
coupled with feelings that read "Miles Apart"?

Oh _ _ _ _ ing stomachflu )):

I was alright in the morning,
then I felt like puking when GP was about to end.

Hurts like crazy ):
And Mom says to not see the doctor until I've finished my full medication course.
=/

AND AND AND!
I called my Dad from school,
and I thought he would pick me up.
So it went like this-

Me: Daddy, where are you?
Dad: At home lo, why?
Me: Oh, cos my stomach hurts alot now, was thinking you could pick me up if you were outside.
Dad: Where are you now?
Me: In school lor.
Dad: Oh. Then you come home lor.

!!!!!!!

&$%^)$&^)#*%$ ~~

Eh like whatthehell la right?
But then again,
maybe he's just tired lah.

Sweetheart gave me $20 bucks just to take the cab back with AiShan.
So when I got back home,
my Dad was really sleeping.

During breaks today I couldn't eat much,
and I'm hungry as hell right now.

So here I am,
researching on stomach flu,
and perhaps,
trying to chance upon a stupid dietary plan for stomach flu patients.

This is what I found-

To help reduce your risks,
1. Drink only well-sealed bottled or carbonated water.
2. Avoid ice-cubes, because ice-cubes may be made from contaminated water. -.-
3. Use bottled water to brush your teeth. (WTH?)
4. Avoid raw food - including peeled fruits, raw vegetables and salads - that has been touched by human hands (HAHAHA. Mummy can't peel fruits for me anymore =X)
5. Avoid undercooked meat and fish.
6. Get vaccinated.

Self-care,
(a) Let your stomach settle - stop eating or drinking for a few hours.
(Oh might as well go on starvation strike)
(b) Try sucking on ice-chips or taking small sips of water.
(Thought they just said to avoid ice?)
(c) Ease back into eating
(d) Avoid certain foods and substances until you're feeling better.
(Yeah stuff like dairy products, caffeine, fatty or highly seasoned foods)
(e) Get plenty of rest.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/viral-gastroenteritis/DS00085/DSECTION=9

HAIYERRR
.Just hope I get better.

Debbie -- [adjective]: Having the texture of congealed cheese 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I think this just cracked me up.

There IS something wrong with me.

After school I cabbed back home to see a doc -
and I'm down with stomach flu.
Doc says if the pain is still around,
I might have appendicitis.
Then what - surgery?
I'm not afraid of another one.
I've been through it.

It hurts still, now.
So might as well sleep.
And anyhow whack Chem homework like how Sarah did.

Oh mann.

I think I'm gonna fail ALL my block tests.
_ _ _ _ IT!

"and, to my ALL TIME bestie, believe in yourself and know that i will still be with you.

always with you, be it hard times or others. believe in that and the decision you made will be correct and is for the best.

and please dont scare me with your sms or whatsoever anymore okay, at one a.m. and you said you have to talk to me. haha... shock of my life ya!

stay strong! you can, you will and you must! don't give up okay!! never~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D"

Thankyou again bestie!!
((: <333

I guess it's just what I needed.

My own life is being wielded by a knife.

I might die.
I don't know.

Please don't ask me to smile anymore, people.
I don't know how.
Even if I did,
it won't be true.

What we had.
Thought it would be.
Not yet.
Not yet, please.

I'm really tired of putting a smile on my face.

I'm sorry,
I feel like ending.

I don't seem to know how to carry on with my life's story anymore.


"So if you're asking me
I want you to know -
When my time comes,
forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
& don't resent me
When you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory,
leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest

Forgetting
all the hurt inside you've learnt to hide so well
Pretending
someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are."



Not anymore.

Even my parents argue over how to deposit a cheque.

Maybe you don't feel as alone,
but I do.

And so I will blog.

Is it alright for someone who never believed in, lets say, any kind of God,
and now just because he or she needs to seek truth, warmth, comfort, assurance,
and perhaps a listening ear,
suddenly starts praying,
hoping that He will see it through?

Is there any wrong or right to it?
I don't know,
but I feel that it's kinda selfish in the first place.
But then again,
he or she just needs to be heard, that's all.

Now sidetrack,
here are some photos (again).

I have been feeling kinda weirded out lately.

Last Sunday's meeting with bestie YanTing and god-bro Brian at TCC (: And we saw Mr Darren Chong!
(Eh stop following us la.)

Hamster attack on Thursday in school!

This is how the hammie stoned in Math tutorial.

I think he's bored. Ya think?

Okie, nice little tail you have there, sweetie.

And God knows where the GingerbreadMan came from.

I think there's something wrong with me.

)):

12 midnight,
and I'm all alone again.

Thanks Pru, for the skeleton (:

I wrote that,
it says-

Oh no it's okay,
You don't have to care
I'll leave you hanging with a suicide note,
covered in bittersweet blood.
And so I'll hang by the rope,
the ghost of my soul will see right through
the moment you leave me alone.

I never understood what it was good for.
Like so many people say,
you don't know the meaning,
you don't understand the value,
you don't realize its importance,
you don't see the significance,
until
it has been taken away from you.

I felt weak.
I wasn't able to handle it alone.
And so I cried,
till my eyes were sore.
Somehow unable to pick myself up,
somehow unable to be strong.

I'm praying to whoever,
to God perhaps,
though all my life I never believed in Him.

But it's always at these moments in time
you desperately look for some faith and hope you can cling onto
so you can survive the next day
and the next
and the next.


"If I could steal, one final glance
One final step
One final dance with him,
I'd play a song that would never ever end
Cos I'd love to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep,
and this is all I ever dream."

It's almost 12 midnight.
I'm feeling all lost and lonely because,
I'm the only one in this house right now.

No sound of the tube,
no footsteps outside telling me my dad's coming back home.

I'm putting the one and only person in this house to sleep,
as I turn off the light after I place my goodnight messages on my father's table,
as I slip under the comforting covers, reaching out to my toy bears,
as I close my eyes and drift away.

Goodnight,
one and all.

Tomorrow is another day I must live.


It's okay,
you don't have to care.
I'll leave you hanging on a suicide note.