Was working on a History research paper on Mother Teresa, and I found this.

"I once picked up a woman from a garbage dump and she was burning with fever; she was in her last days and her only lament was: 'My son did this to me.' I begged her: You must forgive your son. In a moment of madness, when he was not himself, he did a thing he regrets. Be a mother to him, forgive him. It took me a long time to make her say: 'I forgive my son.' Just before she died in my arms, she was able to say that with a real forgiveness. She was not concerned that she was dying. The breaking of the heart was that her son did not want her. This is something you and I can understand."

(=

PON AH.
This time got MC KAEEE?

(:

I woke up 5am.
My right ankle hurt like siao.

I limped to the toilet.
Mummy woke up.
"Today no car?"

Usually sweetheart picks me up.
But YESTERDAYYYYY
SOMEBODYYYYY
WENT
TO
PLAYYYY.

So ya. =X Hahas.

I'm like, "No."

Then I looked into the mirror and saw
the most horrendous eyebags I ever did in my life.

I seriously looked horrible.
My ankle hurt more.

Decided not to go.
Went to the doc's.
Minor strain.
It still hurts now.

Hais.
At least got MC.
Tomorrow Math test.
I hope I don't screw.
Even if I'm not staying. Just do my best lo.

Laterrrr.

Another half-sucky day lah.

Ponned Lit again.
Was a loner wandering around the school half the time today.
So effing sad lor.
No companion.
Nobody to laugh with.

I went for Lit. Initially decided to go.
Then stood outside the classroom tucked neatly at a corner for like 10 minutes with 2 other guys.
One retainee. The other his friend who came to crash Lit with him.

The retainee gave me a friendly smile.
So I smiled back lah.
And finally had the bravery to approach them and ask in Chinese, "You guys ponned Lit before?"

No reply.
Their mouths just fell open.

"You Chinese???"

Die. I need to wear a placard soon. Or get a face operation.

I'm like, "Yesss."

So ya. Make friends lah. Nice dudes lah. We waited for 10 minutes. No sign of the smelly ass. No sign of other Lit students.

Then we all decided, "PON."

So ya. Headed to library. Loner again.
Read History book on "The Third Reich".
Half the time I'm like, "??"

Went home alone again lo.
Cos sweetheart had stuff to do till very late.

Freaking map test tomorrow.
Freaking eight maps to study.
I study halfway almost give up.
Anyhow lah.

Then Math test on Thurs.
Flunk?
Yeah.

Just wondering when all this madness will stop.

Almost wanted to pon school today. But didn't though sweetheart had sore throat.

Went to school alone on the tube. Read "Farewell My Concubine" on the way.

Decided to pon Lit tutorial and lectures.
Cos I had no companion.
Second I couldn't fit in there.
Third the teacher is too smelly for his ass.

So had alot of free time lah.
Stupid Alex kept making us laugh.
Suan Elizabeth like siao.

Go library, go canteen. Go library again.
Hais.
Up and down the whole school.

Elizabeth, Alex and SiMin ponned Chinese.
During CT period my name was also called up cos my teacher mistakened the fact that I ponned Chinese and didn't hand in homework.

What the hell lo.

Horrible day, overall.

But managing to finish the book AiShan lent me and finding the videos on YouTube cheered me up a little.

Had a lot of free time, so I wrote this. And Cindy stop calling me a bitch can? =D

No title so ya. Just gonna run through.


I sit and gaze upon a falling star
I am restless, my soul stirs
Beneath the blackened eye; I sense your presence
An image, a picture that twirls

I sit and gaze upon a pale, sunken moon
My heart wrenches, barely a cry
Consumed by a surge of loss; I beckon
My other half which I cannot find

I sit and gaze upon the ghostly clouds
My eyes fill, a dam of tears
Purges of desire overwhelm; I give in
To sweet sacrifices I fear

My feet, a rhythmn of rise and fall
Begin to take me home
Do I belong, and what will I find?
I miss you and I felt like I've lost you
So much more dismal to this empty night.

THE SCIENTIST - COLDPLAY

Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets
Ask me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
Its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
I'll take you back to the start

I was just guessing
Numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Ok lah. JC life is tiring but with friends around it makes a whole lot of difference.

Plus your sweetheart is just nearby. So overall it can be quite fun (=

P21! A shout-out to you guys, you always make my day! This goes out to..

Cindy! Eh you must treat me better lah can? Don't everytime glare at me. And you left me all alone in Lit ='( But it's okay lah. I just stone lo. Anyways you've been a really nice friend ^^

Elizabeth! Don't sleep in Chinese class le lah. History class also want to sleep. My notes still with you, better return arh. Then every day bring chocolate for us to eat some more. Pronounce PF for me. HAHAHA. (Partial Fractions) =D

SiMin! The noisy one. Always kena bullied by Alex until very jialat. But ya, you always make me smile lah, no matter what. And don't be so sad that you missed Prison Break. Still got encore episode! =)

Justina! Math also pro. Chem also pro. Everything pro. Welfare head and Chinese rep. HAHAH. Do a lot of work lah, this woman. Nice girl to meet (:

Alex! Not so close to him, but can do the perfect imitation of our GP teacher making fun of Elizabeth. DAMN FUNNY. And kop my chocolate in library some more. Haha. Rock on, yay. =)

Rui Xiang! Wah today teach me Induction so patiently. I was thinking whoever teaches me sure puke blood. Hahas. Thanks leh, explain until so clear. MATH GENIUS wor (X Next time challenge you play pool on your handphone arh. (:

Kenneth! WAH LAO EH you loner lah you. Ask you go library basement you don't want. Stay on 2nd floor and listen to iPod. Ok lo. But thanks lah, for helping us buy drink everytime. Hawker centre boy =X Hahaha. Stay cool lah ah. =D

Xuan Kai! I will buy corrector for you for your birthday lah. Everytime ask ask ask. Then I will always throw across the library table for you. AHAHA. You really look like my cousin lor. Anyways, rock on too ya? ^^

The rest of P21 - You complete my joy while I'm in school. YEAH~

I think my school's food also got something wrong.
I ate the spaghetti today. And 10 minutes later I felt like shitting.

But I couldn't lah.
I was in Math lecture. Going on about.. er, what? Something to do with infinity and mathematical induction. Hais =(

Then my friend quit Lit class and transferred to China Studies. I'm the only one left in Lit to face the stupid egoistic teacher. Well there's this other guy lah. But he's so damn shelled-up. You won't a word out of him.

So tired lo.
Choir teacher called me up yesterday.
Cos I ponned choir like twice already.

I said I had something on.
I think some teachers got bad impression of me already.

Yup.

Just remembered I still have Lit homework. And Chem tutorial some cannot do.

When O-level result coming out ah?

I don't want that day to come.

Prospects of my future and his.. Seem too bleak to think about.
Wish I could start life all over.
With him by my side all the time.

I hope I don't fall sick man.
Must have been the stupid cup noodles I ate.

Kimchi some more. Then I still pour all the ingredients. Lucky I scrap off some. If not hot like siao.

And the bread abit too hard.
I think 7-11 must restock their products.

Lying on the bed just now I was hit with this pain. Like someone driving a hard punch into my stomach.

Now it's gone.
And I don't know if I was hallucinating but,

I felt like my head had grown three times bigger.
I must have gone crazy since I didn't go to school today.

And tomorrow I feel like ponning until 1.30. Cos after 1.30 can go already mah.

Should we, honey?
Then we can go arcade wor(X

I hate school but,
I love my sweetheart.

Off for dinner.

Lots of people get on a cab and travel to their destination in silence. Its just you and that cabbie in the front seat. The only communication made are the directions, which highway to take, the cab fare, the change. Lots of people don't learn lessons of life from this experience.

But I did, today.

Luke saw me into a cab before he went off for soccer tryout today. The first question the cabbie asked me was, "Your boyfriend?"

Something just clicked. Gladly with a smile, I answered, "Yup."

Like we both were old friends who haven't met in five years, he told me about his life. From secondary school to growing up, running a company for his ex-boss, going places, marrying his wife, having kids.

I usually just go, "Hmmm" and "Ya" when those old uncles talk too much to me in cabs, but this time, it was different.

I was just enraptured by the way he spun the story of his life to me like we were really old friends. And I felt honoured even, that he felt inclined to tell me.

He told me that since I was the only child, I was going to need to prove to my parents that they can trust me. I needed to show them.

He told me he never pressurized his kids (both boys) and would let them fly if they wanted to. But he had already set the tone that they had to show him they knew how to return back home.

"It's like this cage you're in," He had said, "And each time you show them that you know how to come back home, a small part of the cage will be taken away. Slowly and eventually, you'll be free to fly."

"But some birds, like some kids, they don't know their way back. But you must be like a dove. A dove knows its directions. They will come back home."

"And if I had a daughter," He looks into the rearview mirror at me, "I'd be worried to death about her if she went out."

Then it struck me. At that moment I made it a point to go back home and hug my mother and tell her I appreciate everything she's done for me. For my own good, like they say.

I wanted to do that tonight. But she changed it. She let things change. I couldn't bring myself to hug her because I was angry enough.

And about school tomorrow. I really don't know.

My Lit teacher is a total nitwit. Not the ang mor one. The OTHER egoistic, self-centered, arrogant, cocky guy. I'm sorry I have to say so much. And its only the FIRST DAY I met him.

I mean, this guy has a serious attitude problem. And he has this thing for girls when they walk past his lunch table. I totally saw the look on his face when this girl walked by in her super short school skirt.

So anyway, I'm not going to start bitching here. I just can't believe I'll be seeing him for like, what, three times a week? I DEMAND A TRANSFER CLASS OF LIT!!

Its my favourite subject. Now its totally subjected to DESTRUCTION. COMPLETE DESTRUCTION.

Anyway, he tore out poems for us from his book, I mean, just LITERALLY TORE THE EFFING PAGE OUT, and gave us one each.

I got these two poems.

FOREVER & TODAY
U say that u'll love me forever but what about today
As the dusk become dawns and the years pass on will u love me the same way
if so let us rejoice and bathe in constant pleasure
if not spare my heart today and I shall recover before forever
And if my doubts and ?'s upset u, forgive my fragile heart
I just wanted 2 know if you'd love me forever
before today would start.

WHEN I DO KISS YOU
I haven't yet for reasons of your own
But soon I'm sure you'll tire from being alone
U haven't recovered from the pain of the past
So u show me affection behind a wall of glass
But when I do finally kiss u
U will realize at last my heart was true.

Yup. Its not I wanted to type like, in broken English. The author wrote the poems that way.

One word - lethargic.

OUT.

I've always wanted to know the differences between figurative, literal and metaphorical language.

So.

Figurative language is language in a manner of speaking, language as it were, as if to say.

Literal language is language out of the dictionary, just as it is.

Metophorical is a narrower, sub-division of figurative, meaning the comparison of unlike catagories.

So this is Lit in English.

And they changed our timetables again. ARGH.

And I can't upload my pics here. ARGHHH.

I look back on those photos, those memories, and remember the words, knowing till this day, that it was I who made the sacrifice.

That it was I who left. But I don't blame myself. Fate had it planned that way.

But I feel satisfied knowing I found the most beautiful miracle I could ever stumble upon in my life. And I feel strong enough knowing I won't let go.

It hurt, those memories. Those photos and words. Especially the recent ones. I seem have faded away, and I seem to have been replaced.

It already happened a long time ago, just that I didn't want to talk about it.

I've decided to let it out now calmly because I felt I had to.

Friends do come and go. But I know some of my very true ones who will always stay.

It doesn't matter to me now that I've been replaced by someone else. It doesn't matter to me now that they leave me out of things they planned, parties they have.

Because it just don't matter anymore.

I'm happy where I've come in life. I'm happy where I am.

With my sweetheart, and everybody else of course.

I'm happy - so isn't all that matters?

This must be the happiest day of my life(:

Probably because PROM is tomorrow.

But school is still a life-sucker.

BAH.

Been the same.

Not happy, not depressed. Just neutral.

Based on how I feel now.

School's a life-sucker. Seriously.

And prom is like coming. I haven't really figured out my plans on the day itself when I end class at 12 on Friday. Hair, make-up.. argh.

Been hard work on the organizers tho'.

I'm not sure whether I'll be performing too.

Yup. Thats about it. Check out my timetable if you want. Its wayyy below.

BYE.

To think I wanted to go to school badly.

Sad to say but I no longer trust that their games will be fun.

Serioussllyy. Its like nobody wants to go now. Because the Amazing Race last Friday had dampened most of our spirits.

Can you imagine 100+ people walking together down the streets of Orchard? No teamwork. Just walk walk walk under the hot sun and follow the people in front. Of course along the way we killed time by getting to know each other. But still. We were just far too tired to talk anymore.

PLUS! The stupid pit-stop was at this stinky farm at Seletar at Yio Chu Kang. We had take a train there, then wait for a bus at the interchange, get down, and walk like half an hour into the farm. Then another half an hour out. Child labour.

And the chalet organized by YangLing and Jahan over the weekend has seriously drained me. Not that we didn't get enough sleep. We kept waking up in the middle of the night because some hooligan kids were making a hellofanoise outside at the BBQ pits.

Yup but it was really fun being with all my friends again. The ones I know so well. If only we could stay longer cuz it gave me a feeling of bonding with all of them again. Hai~

So I skipped school today lah. Again. Second time already, but no MC. My Mom called my CT and told him about my case of thalessemia minor, which means I have a low red blood cell count whenever I overwork myself, which will then lead to headache and dizziness.

Yup. Actually I do care of what the school thinks of me, but I don't really care about their orientation games because its just sooooooo SIAN. Sorry to say that lah but ya.

Anyway, the school timetable is starting soon, on Thurs I think, so I hope I don't get to see any of the people in my OG class (they're really weird except for Karen and this new friend I made) and I hope I don't see my CT either. Yup. Lucky I didn't take Physics.

And and and, Friday is PROM. I don't know if I should skip school, or if I should let them know I have to leave earlier.

Never has been going to school so effing irritating. And everyone is starting to regret it.

RIGHT???

Eh people. Don't be gay.

HAHA. =P

They're selling the prom tickets at school at $25.

Go get them.

(= BYE.

In life, you can either keep thinking about the negatives and forget the positives,

or,

you can remember the positives and throw away the negatives.

In life, there are always two choices. Two split roads.

I choose to remember the positives and throw away the negatives.

It makes life for me easier to live.

First day of school?

Totally boring. I mean it. But still, first few days - ARGH. I mean, first day. Too much talks in one day lah. They could have spread it out a bit. But still, GOOD JOB! (= Cuz they planned the orientation themselves.

Met quite a few nice people. Came back home and discussed with my Mom about my subject combination.

Which will be, H1 Economics, H2 History, Literature in English and Math.

Compulsory subjects are GP, MT and PW.

HAI~ Hopefully I can cope lahs. Esp Econs. And MT. And Math.

And sweet knight, I do feel a little bad that you got into the school last minute after appealing and you got into the last class without a house =( I share mine with you okay? RODNEY 5!!

Hopefully tomorrow will be less boring. Oh, and the mass dance? Somebody should ban it.

If I don't start eating my breakfast now, I'll get gastric.

But I can't care less.

I can't care less, because I know my family is still going to be the same, whether I stay here or not. And I know that if I'm staying here, I'm going to have a harder time getting by.

I just fear my nights might end up in crying, tears wetting my pillow, a heartache.

Because nothing in this family has CHANGED. A change was only temporary.

Or is it just me who's not trying?

I'm sick of trying.

I don't see any point in spending time with my family when I don't even feel right at all. Someday I'll learn, I guess. But still.

Since young I remembered, once, my mom finally told me she was keeping a lot of things from me. It was during the economic crisis, I guess. That she had lost her job. And that Dad would be losing his soon.

My world came crashing down on me - because I felt deeply wounded that my Mom would keep things from me. During my childhood days I never kept anything from her. I knew I would be too young to understand, but still, I felt I had a right to know.

I guess that left a deep deep scar etched in that young, tender heart of mine, still oblivious to the many great things in the world.

Growing up with them made things different. I don't see any point in being with them anymore. We're all broken, scarred by each our different mistakes, mistakes and errors which don't even fit. Why should we?

I need to get out today. Escape all of this. Before it all happens again tomorrow.

Thankfully school's starting tomorrow.

NOBODY KNOWS - PINK
Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me that I sometimes cry
If I could pretend that I'm asleep when my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows, no
Nobody likes
Nobody likes to lose their inner voice
The one I used to hear before my life
Made a choice
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows, no no no

Baby, oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby, don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown?
And I've lost my way back home
I think nobody knows, no
I said nobody knows

Nobody cares
Its win or lose, not how you play the game
And the road to darkness has a way of always knowing my name
But I think nobody knows no no
Nobody knows no no no

Baby, oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby, don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown?
And I've lost my way back home
I think nobody knows, no

Tomorrow I'll be there, my friend
I'll wake up and start all over again
When everybody else is gone
No no no

Nobody knows
Nobody knows the rhythm of my heart
The way I do when I'm lying in the dark
And the world is asleep
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows
But me

Finally new skin. YAY.

Happy 2007 again.

=D