When desires speak,
like a wild fire,
words of inflamed speech,
lighting the tip of the heart with a tiny flame,
the feeling that runs, oh - its insane.

When desire speaks,
like a waterfall,
torrents of waves crashing against your heart,
as you fight the feelings.

When desire speaks,
I wonder,
how it feels like to be held again,
I dream,
of a night held by a million stars.

When desire speaks,
oh what a strong voice it possesses,
telling me I should not not deny my love,
urging me to do what is worth.

When desire speaks,
it triggers the warmth of the soul,
starting from the tip of my fingers,
to the end of my toes.

When desire speaks,
I feel your breath this close to mine,
taking in the same air,
standing in the same line.

When desires speak,
I'll just let them speak,
whispered but comforting voices beside my ear,
I soar and I fly,
while knowing you are near.



Okay. Just typed that out in my handphone last night before I slept.

I DON'T WANNA GO ANYWHERE TOMORROW.

SOMEONE BURN DOWN THE SCHOOLS OR SOMETHING.

I MEAN IT.

Well hello.

Friday afternoon and I'm wondering whats really on my mind.

I just can't believe four weeks had just passed me by. Flashed past me in a blink of eye, slipping out of my fingers like sand. And myself, unable to take back all the wrong words, thoughts and actions.

But never regretting it.

Can't say I've experienced that crazily delirious feeling all this while, but I've surely been happy.

You know who you are. (:

Don't we all wish we could turn back time?

Take back everything, and start it all over.

Like a restart button or a computer or something.

But sadly, there's nothing of that sort in life.

Oh well.

I have a feeling Term 3's gonna be even more hectic. True, I may probably end up pushing some of you guys away. But forgive me if I do.

I can't wait for school to start. I want to wake up in the early mornings feeling ready and on the go. I want to step into school and see a dark sky turn bright, the sun coming up and shining onto the parade square.

I want to be responsible for my work. Everything.

At the same time, I don't wanna go back to school.

To face the gossips and the rumours that are all not true.

But I don't care - I never tried to give a shit anyway.

Oh well.

Family's about the same. Don't wanna talk about it.

Know what?

I DO feel like going back to school.

Ever since THAT big drama incident, they have NEVER tried to trust me back.

Even if they did try, did they manage to? No.

After an argument I try to make things better. Does he appreciate it? Does he see the whole meaning behind it?

No.

An imaginary wall of distrust has just been building up in this home, and I guess thats the reason why this family's falling apart.

I give up.

I give up on my Dad. He just DON'T appreciate. He just DON'T trust.

Then whats the point of trying to do so much anyway?

I should have got nothing at all.

I tried.

Why can't he?

And whatever you want to say about me - go ahead. GO AHEAD. Because it's all NOT true.

I wish you'd get this right for once.

SORRRRRRRRRRRRY.

For not updating after so long. A lot has happened. I don't know where to start.

And I like the lyrics of this song.


"To Where You Are" - Josh Groban

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are


DAMN SWEET LAH.

Okay. 4th week already. Time flies.

And I got nothing to say.

I'm HUNGRY.

I can't get into Blogskins and its irritating me.

I need to get something urgent done.

I'm slacking these few days.

I like the lyrics of this song.

"Close" - Westlife

Across the miles
It's funny to me
How far you are but now
Near you seem to be
I could talk all night
Just to hear you breathe
I could spend my life
Just living this dream
You're all I'll ever need

You give me strength
You give me hope
You give me someone to love someone to hold
When I'm in your arms
I need you to know
I've never been
I've never been this close

With all the lovers
I used to know
I kept my distance I never let go
But I your arms I know I'm safe
'Cause I've never been held
And I've never been kissed in this way
You're all I'll ever need
You're all I'll ever need

Close enough to see it's true
Close enough to trust in you
Closer now than any words can say

And when, when I'm in your arms,
I need you to know I've never been
I've never been this close

You give me strength
You give me hope
You give me someone to love someone to hold
When I'm in your arms
I need you to know
I've never been
I've never been
I've never been
I've never been this close

When my soul was wrecked that Wednesday night, I woke up the next morning, feeling even more wrecked, with the pain and the hurt. I woke up, sweating slightly, feeling the hard thump of my heart in my chest.

I had a nightmare.

All I remembered was I had a growth somewhere on my body and the only way to get rid of it was to go through another horrible operation where they had to draw blood from my heart, drip by drip. I thought I was never gonna wake up again.

In broken families when parents quarrel, its the kid that suffer the most. Don't the parents realize that? Even if they do, they just don't do anything to try to salvage the situation.

On the surface a home seems to have everything, but if you look closer enough, it has nothing at all.

Nothing. Its just an empty void, stripped of warmth, love, and tenderness, filled with ice.

The only warmth I feel now is coming from my friends. Because they are all going through the same thing. In times of need, we turn for each other.

Families just don't last. Cuz things will not be perfect for you your whole life. You think you're gonna just live a happy life without all the shit you're made to put through and then die happily?

NO.

Nothing ever came easy.

Cuz everytime something works out for you, it seems to go horribly wrong the next. You try to salvage the situation, picking up the broken pieces and try to mend them. By the end of the day all you have to do is watch everything fall apart, right in front of your eyes, as you lay down to sleep, as tears start to fill your eyes.

Your heart simply shatters, and you don't wish for tomorrow. You wish for INSTANT death.

Thats how I feel. Thats how I felt. Everytime things fell apart.

It happens to the rest of us too.

Female: What Is Your Body Language Saying That You're Not?

You Are a Level Lioness

People are drawn to you because of your inviting warmth. People often describe you as "lucky," but the secret to your many successes is being able to pursue your goals in a confident, but never abrasive manner. You have managed to achieve an important sense of balance -- you are able to politely but firmly set limits when necessary. Bravo!

Well well.

Brian, Yang Ling and Jahan came over to my Grams' place today to watch Scary Movie 4. FUNNY LAH.

Was laughing so hard at the end. Yeah then they hanged around my balcony a bit.

Brian, apparently, hid my bigger teddy bear in bag.

-_-"

Oh, Ms Hasina didn't catch me for my black nails today. HEE. But she gave us loads of homework though. Yep.

Me and him... Our distance seems to be getting longer and colder. Less words are exchanged, it seems like there's nothing much to say. Does it hurt? It tinges me a little.

I miss him?

Yep, I do.

But whats with the long bridge now? I don't understand.

Probably its just because... I don't know.

I don't wanna know either.

Gotta get started on homework.

School library now, rotting my time away.

Life's been kinda sucky.

Been diarrohea-ing these few days. I seem to make a run for the toilet like, every 2 hours. OK. Maybe not, but still. I seem to be shitting my ass out nowadays.

But anyways. Yup. Its raining outside. I can't even see to the other side.

I don't know whats the problem with my Dad.

I don't know whats the problem with my Aunt.

I don't know whats the problem with my Mom.

How can things be perfectly okay one day, and go horribly wrong the next?

True, they hurt me with those words. I asked Clover what was going on, but she never answered.

Oh well.

I should cheer up.

My nails are black. Wonder if Ms Hasina will catch me for that later on during Chemistry class.

I'm still rotting my life away.

BYE.

My tummy hurts.

Like its being squeezed or something.

Its just the smoke.

The smell of your cigarettes, father.

People said I should try.

That there's hope left.

I'm rethinking it.

Mom's words have fallen on deaf ears.

As I've questioned,

what will mine?

I may seem alright, from the way you look at me.

I may be talking to you.

But inside,

I just want to push you away.

Somehow.

Seasons change.

Climate changes.

Generation moves.

Time flies.

Don't people change too?

I haven't forgiven you.

If you think I had, and if you think you can step ALL OVER ME by ordering me around and trying to make it all up by being the proper DAD again, I'm sorry, but you're doing it all wrong.

I may feel like forgiving you at times.

But you do things that make me feel that I shouldn't.

Like when you smoke around me. It chokes me. I have to close my room door.

Like when you come into my room, and go out again. The smell that stays isn't the aftershave or of the bathroom.

The smell that stays is the stench, the effing stench of your CIGARETTES.

And it stinks up the whole room.

DAMMIT.

Daddy's smoke still floats into my room, getting into my system, screwing it all up. I find myself sniffing, my head pounding, blood gushing somewhere. I find myself breathing in all the wrong stuff. The only thing I can do is close my door and blast my music.

Daddy's urine smell choked me when I used the toilet after him this morning. Something is wrong.

Yet he doesn't seem to notice all these. He can't stop.

I don't feel anything anymore. Mom's words fall on his deaf ears.

I do care. I do care like anyone else. But he doesn't care for us. For me? No idea.

MT Os last Monday. Hopefully will get a B3.

Extra lessons started afterwhich. Amath, English Enrichment, bla bla... Yup.

Thats it.