I've been thinking back on the past.

Why can't we keep certain things? Why can't we keep the happiest moments of our lives?

Like when we're going through the best days, why can't it go on forever, like time has just frozen?

Instead, we keep holding onto the things that hurt us.

I used to have one, single, complete family.

Growing up - built longer bridges between myself and my parents.

Even though I still do have one, single, complete family, I cannot deny the fact that we're actually broken.

Its true.

I'm not the only one anyway.

I'm tired.

Its been days.

The MT Os seems to be the talk of the school. Everyone going "cheena" and all that. Uh huh.

We've been having really really intensive lessons from morning till 1.30PM. But thank God our teacher is nice enough to allow us to eat stuff during lessons.

She plays songs and lets us watch cheng yu flashes too. (:

Overall, she's been really encouraging.

I'm NOT giving a review, dammit.

Anyways.

Big Walk last Sunday. Left my legs crying out for a good massage.

We even stopped at the first half at Macs to get burgers and something to drink. And walked and walked and walked.


Our shadows combined as we walked the damn long road.

We had to U-turn at Fullerton. MYGOD.

THEN..

We were effing exhausted lah.

END-RESULTS:







YUP(:

And thanks to Li Wen, we couldn't find our way from there. We circled the whole place for 2 hours till we reached the MRT station. She still owes us a massage treat.

THANKS LIWEN. ((X

Then ISP ISP ISP on Mon and Tues, and CROSS-COUNTRY (YAY) on Wed at East Coast.

Effing nice place to run. You should've watched the clouds in the morning. Ai Shan and I was watching it when Mrs Yeo was talking. The clouds looked like ice bergs behind the ships and all. It looked like some Ice Age world or something.

Plus the weather was right. No signs of rain.

I ran. I RAN OKAY? Then slowed down and started walking. Girls and boys had to split at 1/3 of the lagoon. I ran and ran. Then reached the end point with 79th position.

NOT BAD FOR SOMEONE WHO HASN'T BEEN RUNNING FOR YEARS HOR.

=))

They forced us to get out of East Coast after the whole event. So we went to Parkway for lunch, and then Brian, Ai Shan and me came back again for cycling. 2 hours.

Our asses hurt.

When we got home, our bodies hurt.

Yupp.

Then report book came back on Fri. Only A I got was for CME.

20/36, class position. Level? BAHS.

Now I'm just sitting here blogging. Should be doing Chinese right now.

I felt so moodless last night.

HAI.

K, SEE YA.

I sat for hours doing Chinese fill in the blanks with the helping words given thing.

Checked dictionary 99% of the time.

Its that bad, my Chinese.

ARGH.

And Os are coming in like, dunno how many days time?

Don't remind me man.

Another boring week of ISP to pull through. Lucky there's Cross Country on Wed. PHEW.

I'll be running. Its my last year.

Taking class tee on Mon. I CAN'T WAIT.

I hope it won't look horrible.

ARGH.

Okay, deep breath. Deep deep breath.

Better.

LALALALA. I love uploading pictures here.

PICTURE OF THE DAY:


I took this picture during NYAA camp in March this year, when doing trekking. Breath-taking.

I found solace in the soliloquy of this heaven,
Where my stage is filled with bright lights,
followed by thunderous applause,
as the curtain closes in on me.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Another friendship has just fallen apart. Not gonna mention how, who, when, why, what.

Stuff just happens. We can't help it if things want to work themselves out that way.

See what happens then.

Been loads stronger now, getting my feet back on the ground, trying to get around, make amendments and stuff.

Chinese ISP has started. Total BORE. Spare me the blablas. I'm falling asleep straight in your face.

I saw a rainbow on my birthday, when I was walking out from my house to the bus stop.



Not so clear, but yeah.

This is how it feels like to turn sixteen(:

Hello world.

I turn sixteen today.

Thanks for ALL the sweet SMSes and birthday wishes on my tagboard and in school.

LOVE YOU ALL, SERIOUSLY.

My results were definitely shitty. Shittier than the shittiest shit you ever saw.

Everyone was kinda shocked tho. ME? They were wondering.

Yes, ME.

But it doesn't mean the end of the world.

It simply means I gotta start working doubly hard again. It simply means I just can't give up whatever comes my way. I gotta do it, overcome it, get the grades I want.

And I will get what I want.

DAMMIT.

On Monday I came home. Felt like I let everyone down. Felt like I wasn't worth talking to. So I shut down all conversations. I became silent.

But still.

No way I can give up now.

THANK YOU PPL.

I'M SIXTEEN.

MUACKS.

Awaiting my final hours on earth.

I won't be blogging tomorrow.

Love y'all, peeps.

Well hello. Its offically 12PM now.

I'm having breakfast(:

Still trying to enjoy my last hours on this mortal earth. Before we all die of shitty results tomorrow.

I wanna thank...

*YANTING! For going to such great extents to get my stupid Bluetooth thing, heh. Still complained to me how frustrating it was when it was gonna be a present for me. The irony of it. LOL. Thank you loads!! <333

*KELIN! For making me laugh so much yesterday. And going crazily delirious over the Click 5 collage I made her! YAY. I'm SO glad you loved it. Thanks for the Bluetooth thing too!! <333


This is how the collage looks like. Well, nearly 3/4 of it.

*YUPING! Thanks for coming! And making everyone laugh with the "musicial chairs" thing. You've been a great joy to us! ROCKON. <333

*WANNING! Despite your flu, you still came and I'm so touched. Thanks for your lovely tank top from freaking ZARA! My God, I thought that might have cost a bomb! It rocks, its so VINTAGE! WOOTS. <333

*MUIHOON! Aiyoh, thanks for your sweet card, reminiscing about our past years. THANK YOU SO MUCH! And for letting me wear your earrings too(x hahaha. Thanks for ALL you've done for me, and being there whenever I had no one to turn to. <333

*YUTING! You quiet little one! You got me such a sweet present!! AIYOH, I almost died! Precious Thots' stuff cost a BOMB! Please don't get gifts from there for me again!! LOVE YOU, badminton freak. <333

*IVY! Hello, neighbour!! LOL. Thanks for coming!! I enjoyed those after school days where we walked home together, bubble tea in hand, Old Chang Kee in the other and talking about everything under the sun. You made my trips back home lots worthwhile, thank you!! <333

*AI SHAN! Thanks for the card leh! So sweet lah. HAHA. Thanks for the many things we've shared since last year till now. You're the one who understood me! =) You're the one who listened too. THANK YOU SO MUCH. <333

^BRIAN! YO YO YO WASSUP BRO? Its okay that you haven't gotten me the shirt yet, but thanks for coming! THANKS FOR THE CAKE!! MY GOSH, you sweet guy. =))

^YUHWANG! Another sweet one lah. Got me the earpieces when I told you to! AWW. With extra bass system. WTH. Ok, that will seriously wake me up in the mornings! THANK YOU!!! =)))

^LUKE! This man die die also want to get me watch. GOSH. Okay lah, I give up, you can buy. THANKS FOR EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGG. ROCKON. =))

^HENGSIN! Sweet Billabong WALLET! SO COOL! I'm gonna use it starting tomorrow and shove it in your face to let you see I'm using it. HAHA. THANK YOU!!! =))


Okay. Done with the thank-yous. I'm moving on.

LOL.

I'll leave my thank-yous till tomorrow.

Its like, 2AM now.

=)

I woke up today.

And realized,

I will be celebrating my birthday today.

The thought half-scared me. The thought of turning sixteen.

Sometimes I wish I could remain forever as a kid.

But nobody can stay that way.

But yet, the thought fills me with joy.

And it fills me with greater joy when Brian and Ivy came to wish me happy birthday when I got online this morning.

(:

Even if I was never loved by him, I was ever loved by my friends. Thats like the most I can ask for.

Its raining now.

Everytime it rains, the air seems be shrouded with this layer of thin ice.

So cold.

My imagination.

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

-Shakespeare
Macbeth Act V, Scene 5, Line 24

Everytime I take a deep breath, there's always this stab in my heart. Like a part of me's missing.

And when that part is missing, its hard to get it back again.

I dread Monday. We all do. I didn't tell my Mom that. I didn't dare to. But I did tell her the papers were like shit.

Went out today with Mom to get my Le Coq Sportiff bag. White and baby blue. The orange one was like, kinda dirty.

So yeah. Thats my birthday present from my 1st Aunt. =)

Had dinner outside too. My feet are aching.

Celebrating my birthday TOMORROW(:

One word - insensitive.

PS: Sorry if my fonts are too small(:

Li Kai (Parting)

You used to say
Promises are not meant to be broken
But what you would say
If I said,
our relationship has broken?
Shards of glass
They look like ice, cold ice
Scattered over the polished floor
I find I cannot bring myself to cry
Behind my tightly locked bedroom door
I feel lost
Everytime we meet
As I try to seek the truth in your heart
Your eyes, yes, they may shine upon me
But what is it that you really feel -
underneath that hidden smile?
It hurts to even write about this
It tinges me so
I have no idea how much time I need
Just to let you go
Your gaze seem to interlock with mine
Everytime I turn around
I get scared, I break our stare,
hiding my shyness with a smile
So many things you did for me
So many sacrifices you made
So many things you've forsaken
Just to make me happy
Just to do it for me
I used to wish our fingers would interlock someday
Yours, over mine
But that will never happen
As our paths were never meant to entwine
Probably to only caress
But never to join into one complete road

You used to say though
That you'll be here no matter what
But what would you say
If I said
I can't do the same
Now that I have to let you go?

I have to
Everyone knows I have to
Its not a matter of choice
Its about setting you free

I'll step back and watch you fly
With your new-found wings
And after you've disappeared from my sky, my life
I'll leave.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

LAST 2 PAPERS TODAY.

GOING TO FLUNK ALL SCIENCES AND MATH.

SCREW IT.

I'll die before Monday arrives. Right, Sec 4s?

K-BOX TODAY!

FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN.

Suffering from K-Box syndromes yet again. =D

Had dinner altogether. So fun. LAUGH AND LAUGH.

About all the teachers. HAHAHA.

Monday is Slit-My-Throat-I'll-Do-It-Myself-Thanks Day.

I'm still wishing for someone whom
I can fall into
Whenever the pain's going around.

If love can never work out well for me this time,
then let it work out -
in my next lifetime.

Cascading

Sometimes...
I wish you never had to leave so soon.
Things have changed between us, you know?
Sometimes...
You look at me as if you're looking at me for the first time
which hurts.
Which really really hurts.
Sometimes...
You look away,
everytime I look your way.
I don't know,
if your eyes tells me we can't be,
everytime our gazes meet.
I hear about that other girl,
now and then.
It used to tear me apart.
But as time went by,
it didn't hurt or make me bleed anymore.
Perhaps I've numbed myself,
from all the pain,
all the doubt,
all the tears -
everything.
Perhaps...
That other girl might be tens of thousands times better than me.
But at least,
I showed you the meaning of love.
If i had to give you up now,
it would take long.
Everytime I look at you,
I realise I can't let go.
Because I see everything,
everything we used to be.
"We'd be friends," you said.
"Forever." You added.
Then I was thinking,
if I can't be with you,
then I'd rather stay right beside you.
Love -
it has never hurt or tasted so sweet at the same time.
It seems like eternity since we've talked.
And I'm still waiting,
for something which I can only dream and fantasize of.
And I know,
I'll only reach your heart someday.
Or maybe,
never at all.