More tired than ever.

Flag Day today. TOTAL BURN-OUT.

Starting and ending point at Youth Park. We took the afternoon shift, so it was from 1 to 6pm. Took Heng Sin dad's car down to Harbour Front (THANKS DUDDDDE :D). Very good revenue there! ((: Brian, YanTing, Heng Sin and me were standing at the bridge asking for donations. Then Ivy and Mui Hoon came and took away our "customers". Then it rained. We finally went for lunch at Mac.

Decided to try our luck at Chinatown, so took a train down. After spending only 20 minutes there, we split. Because it was SO NO BUSINESS LAH.

Off to Doby Ghaut! Plaza Singapura. At least an improvement. Then we got really bored. Everyone seemed to stop donating. So we walked ALL THE WAY DOWN to Orchard. HAHA. We ended up sitting in Cineleisure and quenching our thirst and resting our aching feet.

Later we all met back at Youth Park. Then went off for dinner at YOSHINOYA. YA YA YA YA. WE DID. LOL.

My God. I must stop typing in caps now and then.

Studied Bio when I got home. TIRED TIRED.

I haven't studied for a Physics test on Monday.

I haven't studied for an Amath test on Tues.

I haven't done last week's Chinese articles due next Thurs.

I haven't started studying History and Social Studies common test next Thurs.

I need to GO.

Above all, I shall not neglect my blog.

I know, I know. It's been like DAYS since I've updated.

So.

MONDAY - Performance at PAC sucked, well, my performance I mean. Thank your lucky stars that you didn't go and support me. Went home and got greatly discouraged by one of my aunts, saying that I'll NEVER or I have a very low chance of getting into Music and Audio courses. And stuff like that. No, I do not want to talk about it. Its so demoralising. All I want to say is I'm f***ing sorry that I'm NOT PERFECT.

TUESDAY - Felt just as bad.

WEDNESDAY - Things got a lil' bit better.

THURSDAY - Ai Shan's birthday!! Went to NUH to give Sharyn a surprise birthday visit (her birthday's just one day after Ai Shan's) with a whole lot of people. HAHA. She nearly cried, that woman. SHARYN, MUST TAKE CARE LEH!! DRINK MORE WATER HOR! xD

FRIDAY - Sharyn's birthday!! She finally got discharged today, HAHA. (: Yup, thats about it.

I have flag day tomorrow. All the trouble just to up my CIP hours to get a stupid NYAA thingie.

Its been 2 weeks (counting this week) that he hasn't been online. Okay. It hurts. At least I still can get to see him in school, but not all the time... We just smile and wave. And when I can't take it anymore, I read our messsage histories. But nothing beats him being here with me.

So I try to create his presence around me. Its dumb, I know. I use his font colour. The one I'm so familiar with seeing. Sometimes I'm so tempted to use his font too, so I can capture his words on the screen. But those words are mine, not his.

My head's spinning.

L-O, L-O, L-O, L-O, L-O-V-E, L-O, L-O, L-O!

HAHA.

Howdy? I'm kinda tired today. Miracle I finished all the weekend homework. Now I'm just left with revision. Tests have just been piling up on us week after week.

I used to wonder what Sec 4 life would be like. Now I know.

Ever since the release of the 2005 O-level results a week back, teachers have been making STUPID presentations about their grades and all. Man, I don't wanna hear all that anymore. Not that I don't wanna know, but it's too much stress.

They keep asking, "What are you doing now to save your English? Are you going to sign up for weekly consultations for Physics?" And all the shit like that.

Most importantly, the thought of dropping a subject so as to attain better grades in O-levels.

It's a big decision.

I can't believe Mr Tan is actually trying to advice us "as a friend" to drop A.Math. Well, I don't think so. I believe we all can, so we should just believe in ourselves and aim for the best.

But still. It IS tempting to drop.

Mrs Goh's right. My A.Math teacher, I mean. She says to finish up the syllabus first and see what happens.

Anyways. Enough of the academics.

Went to Singapore Poly today for a concert, its called "Crossroads". YanTing, Kelin, Brian, YuPing and Louis (last-minute) went. IT WAS NICE.

THE BANDS ROCKED. Well, at least 99% of them. There weren't so many of them anyway.

No no, its not a gig. So don't blame me for not asking you. (:

There was one time the drummer went crazy and was practically bouncing off his seat. He drums with his mouth open. UM.

There was another time a bassist went crazy. He was doing that I'm-flinging-my-long-fringed-black-hair-up-and-down-so-it-falls-over-my-whole-head thing. So yeah. You get the picture.

Went home after that. My life's boring.

What can I do? Its SEC FOUR.

SUPPORT ME ON MONDAY!!!

=D

Sec 4 life is such a chore.

I'm performing in the PAC the following Mon. PLEASE SUPPORT ME.

I'm tired.

In fact, very very VERY VERY tired.

When was the last time somebody praised you? When was the last time you praised somebody?

That was the question posed to us when the movie "I Not Stupid Too" began.

This was the only movie, through-out my fifteen years, that tugged at my heart-strings and made me cry continously between intervals, scene after scene.

I could have used up more than 5 tissues. But I used three. THANKS LUKE! (:

I remembered I kept crying continously twice.

"I just wanted to buy an hour of your time."

"Your father did not learn the ABC, and yet he wrote with his own hands 216 letters to each Secondary school in Singapore."

"It was then I realized, that this home, was only a place for me to sleep at night."

"Whatever I do, it's all useless."

"I don't have a home."

Okok. These are some lines I remembered. I couldn't really believe it when the tears rolled down my cheeks. Usually other movies only made my eyes well up in tears. But this was no ordinary movie. Everyone in the cinema was sniffing loudly. I think YanTing and me were like, two of the loudest.

Sometimes it got so bad I had to keep crying and crying until I couldn't look at the screen. When we came out, YanTing's eyes and mine were RED.

Jack Neo definitely deserves full CREDIT for this movie. Rated 10 out of 10, wanna watch it again.

Definitely worth the money.

Anyways, after the movie, Luke, YanTing and me took a train down to CityLink where we met Kelin, MeiQi, Li Wen, YuTing and Heng Sin. Had dinner at Mos Burger, gamed at the arcade. Then headed for Esplanade rooftop, joined by Yu Hwang, Sebastian and his girl.

=D

Hung around till 9.30 - FIREWORKS!!! YAYYYY.

It's the second time after my NDP that I've seen the fireworks up close. They shot up high into the air until they reached their peak, then burst out in myraids of colours. I videoed the whole thing, YAYEE.

Fooled around until 10.25PM, my Mom called and said I had to be back home already. YuTing and me practially ran all the way to the MRT.

THANKS GIRL! =))

Yup, that's about it.

(:

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HANGED OUT LAST NIGHT - YOU GUYS ROCK ROCK ROCK. (:

PS - HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY IN ADVANCE, ALL YOU SWEET PEAS + HONEY LOVERS + LOVE BIRDS!!!! MUACKS.

If things keep changing so quickly this way, I wouldn't know how to take it.

It just took one day.

It took two days for all the pieces to fall into place. I can't believe it. People can change so fast.

Depressing things aside. But nothing really good happened.

I scored 15/20 this time for E.math test on Cumulative Frequency and Probability. YAYEE.

Did okay for Physics test.

A.Math sucked today. 960xsquare - 960xsquare equals to 1. YES. Born genius.

CCA's getting boring with the Sec Ones around. Sorry people.

Planning to slack over the weekend. My right hand muscles hurt like HELL.

OH OH.

O-LEVEL RESULTS FOR 2005 STUDENTS RELEASED TODAY.

Almost forgot. Don't know who's the top student. Next year's top student is ME.

BWAHAHAH.

Okay, thats it.

I'm outta here.

I read back on my previous entry and I realized I don't need sympathy from anybody.

But I'm not saying I can live by myself. I always need my friends around me.

It's my blog. I've decided to be honest from the start.

We met 10th Aunt's to-be-on-the-verge-going-to-be fiance for lunch at Harbour Front today. Meaning Grams, Aunt, my family, 6th and 7th Aunt. Not really a big crowd. Terry (my 10th Aunt's to-be-on-the-verge-going-to-be fiance) has only met 1/3 of the whole family.

So when Terry asked my Dad what his profession was, I was expecting him to say he had none. But I knew no way he was gonna say that. I heard him say, "Precision engineering." In my head I went, "Liar."

I know I suck.

Funny how yesterday's events could somehow relate to today's.

But whatever. I don't wanna talk about it anymore. Things have already gotten so far and this home has already, nearly broken down, I'll just leave it as it is.

There's nothing I can do, is there? Even though I want to.

Went shopping today, after the lunch at the same old boring Tiong mall. Oh oh, before that I got a new pair of black flat-soled slippers at Harbour Front. Love them!

Finally got my long black skirt and a pink halter top at Tiong. Be Yourself Day, here I come!

I know I sound chirpy.

But it's a lot different inside.

No point actually, feeling all wretched and miserable inside when I know people out there truly care for me.

And truckloads of THANKS to that person who sent me a video I'll always keep close to my heart.

Everything seems to be right at school, but things are different at home.

But school's starting to get a little different too.

It was today I finally realized that I had to start doing things without my people. Or they doing things without me, rather.

I needed to save time. I want to.

Everything changes at home.

I must be too busy. It keeps slipping my mind that Dad is not working anymore. Its so painful to hear that coming out from Seventh Aunt's mouth today. Plus Mom's not earning much, and she suffers from constant backache which really really torments her. All Dad does is drive around in the car. At night, he goes off somewhere and comes back late.

As for myself, I'm always cutting myself off from my parents. Making and creating a known but invisible barrier against myself myself and them. The reason why I'm always in my own room, Mom in the masterbed room and Dad in the living room explains the family bridge I've already built.

Could it be fault? Could it, because of me, that we are all this way now? Have I, the only child they've raised for 15 years, be the cause of destruction of family closeness and the cause of the bridges built between us?

Seventh Aunt says I should tell my Dad to stay home and make himself useful. She says I should try to care for my Mom more, by helping her rub down her back or something.

There's really nothing much I can do. My Dad won't listen, and my Mom... I just don't know how to.

It hurts me now, thinking and having to write about this. Seeing a family portrait that seems new, but somehow is fading away.

It hurts. I feel like crying for the first time this year. Why did I turn my friends down tonight? Why did I build such a long and rocky bridge between my parents and myself?

Mom's going for a day operation, but she didn't tell me. I just happened to hear it.

That's it. I'm gone.