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/ Saturday, December 31, 2005

I know Dad's at the Conspiracy, this bar-club where they hardly have any customers, waiting around for the countdown to 2006.

4 more hours to go.

Let's relive 2005 in a flash.

I...

- got promoted to Sec 3Express.
- was elected chairman of 3E2.
- became infatuated with someone.
- began flunking A*Math tests.
- got stuck in a dilemma between two.
- learnt how to let one go.
- learnt how to keep my feelings in check.
- began to write about everything and anything.
- gained more confidence.
- learnt how to counter-attack.
- learnt how to not inflict pain upon oneself.
- began to fall in love.
- learnt how to cry.
- learnt how to write more.
- celebrated birthdays.
- turned fifteen.
- performed on stage on special occasions.
- won prizes from competitions.
- brought honour and glory to my school.
- participated in NDP.
- learnt how to cherish.
- learnt how to manage my time.
- learnt how to keep silent.
- made new friends.
- learnt to love even more.
- was involved in a conference.
- gave advice.
- taken advice.
- gave hugs.
- received hugs.
- have grown stronger.
- learnt how to listen.
- learnt how to give.
- learnt how to take.
- still kept flunking A*Math tests.
- still kept screwing Chemistry tests.
- still kept failing Physics tests.
- still kept flunking Pure Biology tests.
- was seventeenth in position out of thirty-six in my class.
- managed to pass A*Math on my report card.
- managed to pass all Sciences on report card.
- got promoted to Sec 4E2.
- had a Christmas BBQ.
- taken DAMN lots of photos.
- wished for many things.

There's a lot more.

I just can't think right now.

Ms Shirley Chua should consider this -

Give those who did not do their phrase book only SUSPENSION and those who did not even do a single piece of English assignment DETENTION.

Oh, the irony of it all.

Leave the past behind, make room for the present.

Bring it on, 2006!

XOXO

/ Saturday, December 31, 2005

Hello people.

Just to let you know, I ain't going for any countdown later.

(:

XOXO

/ Friday, December 30, 2005

Apparently I don't really have much New Year resolutions.

Seriously.

But I do know a few things.

It's the year 2006 next year, the year where I'll be soon taking my Os. Time flies, you realize that?

I still remember I was still the good girl I was in Sec 1, with my blouse all neatly tucked in and my school socks pulled up high. Well, maybe not THAT high. I just know I was a good girl, LOL. Until someone came along and nearly ruined my life. Could say I brought it upon myself, but I didn't know it would all turn out to be that way.

I lost my parents and friends' trust in me. Almost everybody was shunning me just because of who I was with. That, I knew, wasn't worth it.

It took me a long time to gain the trust back, especially from my parents. I spent countless nights crying in the dark, thinking that all of this wouldn't be happening if I had thought twice in the first place.

As they say, time heals everything. It really did.

In Sec 2, people said I was beginning to change. In what way, I never found out myself. Was it my character? My attitude? I didn't know. One even said I lost that "angelic" voice I used to have in the past year. I had no idea.

While I was in Sec 2 I remembered myself being more rebellious, attempting to skip classes by hiding in the toilets after recesses for longer than usual, having my blouse tucked out at the back, and pleading my aunt to shorten my school skirt. Its funny now, thinking back on all that I've done to sorta like, make myself fit in. In Sec 2, I found it really hard to fit in during the first few months, because everyone was like a stranger to me. It was quite difficult to have my own cosy clique.

Also in that year, I found myself in another new relationship again. It didn't work out the way it should. It did, actually, for the first 5 months. But gradually, the feelings faded off. I've always been pondering over this everytime I think back, "Who's fault actually was it?"

And I would end up blaming myself. Honestly speaking, when I ended that relationship, all I did was blame the other party. I never, never thought about where I had gone wrong MYSELF, until this friend came along and asked me. I thought that was really selfish of me.

In Sec 3, this year, 2005 - I had a HELLOFATIME doing things I loved most, like singing, jamming, performing on stage on special occasions. I had my own clique, whom I loved each dearly. Being chairman of my class this year, I had the heavy weight of responsibilities on my shoulders. It wasn't hard, but it wasn't easy either.

I took pride in my work, giving the best I could in every assignment. Sure, there were times where I really SLACKED till I sank to the bottom, but I would always push myself back up again. I'm proud to say my home tutor is confident in me of doing well. She says she sees my determination not to give up everytime I try something new.

I'm proud to say too, that I never got into a relationship this year. I was getting tired of falling in and out of love, facing rejection and all that stuff. But I couldn't help falling in love.

That's the one you always see me blogging about right here. HIM.

It's funny but I feel like I've been through every emotion human can experience. Every single thing. Perhaps I missed something out, but I don't know...

Probably at the age of fifteen, when I'm more sensible and THINKING (lol), I find myself only thinking about HIM at certain times. Definitely not during the exam periods, but I seriously still can't help it but think about it at night. *BLUSHES*

OKAY. Lol. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT WHEN HE WALKS INTO A ROOM AND I START STARING AND TURN RIGHT INTO A TOMATO HEAD!!!!

OKAY?

2006 - Time for my Os. From Sec 1 - Sec 3, I keep hearing that I will be taking my Os, and very soon. Before I realize it, the time has come.

Which means, next year, I gotta start working doubly hard. Probably harder than this year.

OH. THOSE AH-PEKS AND AH-MM'S ARE STILL KARAOKE-ING DOWNSTAIRS AT THE PASAR MALAM.

TURN UP THE MUSIC, DAMMIT.

Out of tune la, dey.

XOXO

/ Thursday, December 29, 2005

Obviously there are some things that people can't tell me.

And they're keeping it SO a secret. Its hard not to suspect anything.

He's gone, but for how long, I don't know. I don't know why this time I didn't ask. Funny how the feeling's gone.

Probably cuz I haven't seen him in a while. No doubt when school starts, the feeling will be surely rushing back again.

I'm just sitting listlessly everywhere, with nothing much to do, my mind half empty, half full. No idea what I'm supposed to do next.

I don't wanna go back for choir tomorrow.

Oh, and I almost forgot. I don't care who's reading this, but my cousin is a REAL BITCH.

Take that.

I don't wanna do the Chinese recording either. But I'm half-heartedly looking forward to it. Somehow. Funny.

I really don't like this one bit.

My family's gonna have a STEAMBOAT party on the coming Sunday.

Now why did I even tell you that?

I've been singing too much. My throat's clogged up with something again.

So bye.

XOXO

/ Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Hello people. (:

I'm no longer in PMS mode. You can stop worrying about my weird outbursts.

But I still feel weirded out inside. The sourish feeling hasn't really faded off.

YO, YUTING - I'm sorry I cancelled on you last minute for today's shopping spree last night.. I was really so-called upset.. And kinda half in a bad mood.. So hope you've enjoyed yourself! (:

I did A*Math revision in my living room plugged into Power98. Then I felt so much better. Seriously. Like I could finally do long division quick as lightning again. Like I could solve the equations again.

Finished at about 11.40PM. So decided to text Wan Ning for shopping, but she wasn't free. Apparently today she ended up rotting at home. Lol.

So I texted Pat instead. YAY. Got her out...

To Marina Square today. =D Shopped for my Christmas presents. Okok, it's past the official date of Christmas, I know, so shut up. Got a M.Y.U.K wallet at The Wallet Shop. Took a train down to Bugis, got a super sweet cute shirt. I spent ALL my Christmas money. I spent $30 on food cuz I kept eating and eating.

MAN.

Yes. That's about it. I had stomache-diarrhoea-constipation along the way. During shopping, I mean. I had to go to the toilet TWICE.

UGH.

Okay. So yes. I have to go back for choir on Fri.

ARGH.

XOXO

/ Monday, December 26, 2005

Hello.

I woke up at 12.30 today. I slept at 2.30am last night.

BEAT THAT, SUCKER.

I don't sound like me today. I'm totally into having mood swings. I feel so pissed. There's nothing left to do except some A*Math. Which I'm so NOT gonna do.

This doesn't feel like Christmas at all cuz I'm practically choking at home.

HELLO??

I'd rather die on my computer seat.

SOMEBODY, TAKE ME OUT!

XOXO

/ Sunday, December 25, 2005

I'm back home early. I don't wanna blame anybody, but the only one I can blame now is my Dad.

I know, I'm sorry.

If not for him, we could have stayed much much later. I mean, we could still be there NOW. AT THIS TIME.

Forget it. I'm not organizing anything anymore.

Next year's Christmas 2006, I just wanna walk down Orchard Road and get sprayed by strangers with loads of FOAM. I don't care anymore.

My legs and feet ache like hell. But I'm not tired. Christmas has not ended yet.

I don't know what to do now.

I really don't.

I am one pathetic loser.

You know... Some people are just plain lucky. Like, they can find their shining star so easily. No setbacks, no backfires, no nothing. Just like that.

While others struggle for it.

He ain't here, but ...

But what?

It's feeling really sourish inside though.

Really really bad.

What a twisted Christmas.

XOXO

/ Saturday, December 24, 2005

It's okay if I can't be outside, walking down the streets of Orchard, arm in arm of my beloved to gaze up at the lovely lights they put up for Christmas.

It's okay.

There's warmth at home. I never ask for much. Nothing's better than being in my room and online, talking, and waiting for the countdown to Christmas.

I can't lose everything I gained, I just realized.

It's the biggest fear in me ever. Losing it all.

8 more minutes to Christmas.

LETS ALL GET DRUNK ON THE X'MAS JOY.

XOXO

/ Saturday, December 24, 2005

Helloo people.

I bet it's friggin' raining like everywhere. EVERY PART OF SINGAPORE.

And guess what? Even though it's the Christmas season, I don't like it.

Like hello?

I HAVE A FRIGGIN BBQ TOMORROW. I'M NOT GONNA LET IT RAIN.

Worst thing is, we don't have Plan B.

I am so pissed. And it's seriously worrying me. The rain is drenching my Christmas joy. The lightning kills the mood. The thunder.. Well it just.. Scares me.

I don't like this one bit.

I can't get Brian on the phone. YanTing's not feeling well.

It's like I'm in this on my own now.

XOXO

/ Friday, December 23, 2005

Is there really no need to compare myself between others? Looks, character, personality, strength and all the other things?

Am I really my one and only? Am I the only human thats ME and only one of ME exists in this world?

Am I really special in my own way? Do I have special talents I do not know of?

I must be bored.

It's Christmas Eve tomorrow. And I'm hungry.

I shouldn't be waiting. I should be doing something else.

LIKE?

XOXO

/ Friday, December 23, 2005

I've been lazing around.

Tried to do Circular Measure revision given by my tutor this morning. No spirit. Too much in waiting for Christmas to arrive.

Then been on the computer ever since. I can't help but feel guilty.

I'm hungry. Reallly hungry. It's not even dinner-time yet.

Why am I so afraid to get online? Fear of seeing his name appear on my list? Fear of seeing him online? Fear of talking to him, but not knowing what to say?

But our conversations never fail to go on naturally. We do run out of things to talk about, but we still can talk.

I don't know. I've been feeling kinda weirded out by this whole thing. I don't know WHY, dammit.

XOXO

/ Wednesday, December 21, 2005

I give up finding blogskins on christmas.

The whole thing's such a piss-off.

I rebonded my hair. I feel stiff. I'm hoping I look okay. I'm hoping it doesn't bounce back to the curls.

Mom paid A HUNDRED AND TWENTY EIGHT DOLLARS. Plus the extra shampoo.

SIAN AR.

Sat there and stoned.

Hey, can't you see it's snowing? Just a lil'.

I'm hungry. Still have to go back to school tomorrow. For some STUPID SL MEETING. And I can't tie my hair, yes. I have to wear my sneakers to school too. Bad, bad girl. I'm sure Mr Sim will excuse me. It's the HOLIDAYS, for crying out loud.

I wish I wasn't an SL in the first place. BLAST those extra CCA points. Leave me and my holidays alone.

I will sleep soon. And set my alarm.

XOXO

/ Tuesday, December 20, 2005

HEY YOU BLOGSKIN MAKERS!!

I WANT A X'MAS SKIN, DAMMIT.

Preferably black and simple with snowflakes falling all over.

You know very well I can't make skins MYSELF.

PWEETY PLEASE?

^^"

XOXO

/ Monday, December 19, 2005

I'm dead tired.

Caught "King Kong" today at Great World with YangLing, Jahan and Brian. HAHAH. Jack Black was sooo in it. The cause of all the trouble. People were dying for him, and yet all he did was film.

Not bad. Starting's okay. The whole show stretched for 3 hours plus though.

Walked around, bought a present for my Mom's birthday, 28th Dec. Went home.

Cousin Desmond is BACK! From overseas, lol. Good to see him. He claims he can make satay and tom yam and all that kinda food. "Trust me, all the overseas kids can cook. If not, how to survive?"

We'll see about that. (x

I think I'm feeling loads better now. Was feeling so drained just now.

I'm hungry.

And I'm still tired. I'm gonna sleep early.

No more sleeping at 12 midnight or 1am.

XOXO

/ Sunday, December 18, 2005

I go about doing everything that I have to do, everybody looks at me and think I'm okay.

Yeah I'm okay. All you have to do is keep me distracted and I'll be just fine.

The minute you leave me with nothing to do, I start to drown in my own thoughts. And think about him and where he is. What he's doing. Who he's with.

Into my own thoughts. Then it hurts.

All I gotta do is distract myself. But when I have to think about it, I will. But that's what I'm always doing.

There's nothing left to say.

XOXO

/ Saturday, December 17, 2005

I'm tired and I wanna cry.

Its about what has happened lately. These dreaded days have come again, those days where you feel so defeated. You wanna do something, but you can't.

He say he'd try. But I don't know how he's going to.

So what does this mean?

Don't ask.

Does counting the days help?

Sometimes, it does hurt.

A lot more.

DAMN.

Whatever, people.

XOXO

/ Wednesday, December 14, 2005

God I love this song.

Anyone with this, SEND IT TO ME.

*starts tearing*

XOXO

/ Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Right. Shall update.

Sitting in the balcony of my Grams house, it feels like I'm awake in the dead of the night, waiting for the end of the world.

Just in front of my Grams there's this big power station. It's really huge, and it's really quiet in there. God knows what goes on in there. And I'm actually hearing Chinese music being played from inside.

Occasionally, a motorist roars by. Sometimes even cars. They're quieter though. When it gets really quiet, you can only hear the soft hum of something. I don't know what.

Still settling some BBQ stuff. Been making and re-making lists. Making phone calls. Calculating and re-calculating. It can get sucky, but its a good experience.

Okay. Stop here.

(x

XOXO

/ Sunday, December 11, 2005

Weekends are meant for slacking.

I apologise for not updating the blog. Nobody reads anyway.

A lot has been happening.. But I can't be bothered to tell you what. Sometimes, I get sick of typing it all out.

So there.

XOXO

/ Thursday, December 08, 2005

I'm surprisingly okay.

And unexpectedly happy.

Because I didn't see it in the first place. That my friends HAVE always been there. All it takes is one simple phone call.

And that helps distract me from missing him. Which now.. Well, feels kinda okay.

Got a weekend full of activities for me.. Can't wait to start.

Been studying and slacking all at the same time. I don't know how I manage myself.

Okay. My life's kinda dull at the moment. Just wanted to blog. And keep this blog alive.

=) Ciao.

XOXO

/ Tuesday, December 06, 2005

My Chemistry revision has INDEED gone to waste.

I mean, I forgot everything. I mean, EVERYTHING.

Okay, maybe not. But I was pathetic. Today's tuition, I mean.

HAIII.

Need to start revising everything again.

So. Been quite a boring day. Had sudden mood swings every now and then. Oh, one more weird thing about me. I hate talking in the mornings. Especially when I've just woken up and you start questioning me. I DO NOT LIKE to open my mouth to speak.

Only talk to me when I've eaten my breakfast. And brushed my teeth, of course.

Yup. Thats about that. Life can suck a lot sometimes.

XOXO

/ Monday, December 05, 2005

I said I will blog! Muahaha.

YAY! =))) Been a grreeaatt dayy!

Went to Sentosa bright and early today with the other 6 - YanTing, YuPing, Kelin, Wanning, Sharyn and Shehana to Tanjong Beach. Wayy cooool. Went cycling with Wanning. Then it looked like it was about to rain, heard thunder and all. So we returned our bikes and found refuge at a nearby shop.

A whole of drama commotion took place, and finally it was said that Wanning and me had to walk ALLL the way back to Tanjong Beach, which nearly took the both of us 15-20 minutes. I didn't mind walking tho, I was used to it. But the road was long.

When we got back, welll.. Sharyn and Shehana were looking kinda upset, so they left first. So did YanTing.

So it was down to Wanning, Kelin, YuPing and ME. (:

Man, these girls sure know the meaning of FUN.

We took the little tram, riding it all the way on the rocky path to the Go-Carts and the Carlifts near Siloso Beach. Paid 3 bucks for a one-way trip up the Carlifts.

I tell you.

IT WAS THE RIDE OF OUR LIVES.

Okay, so the minute we got on, somebody starting screaming like MAD. Which triggered the rest of us, so we ALL started screaming once the thingie started moving up. A sense of dizziness seemed to wash over me as my little toes tightened its grip on my sandals. We just screamed and screamed and screamed.

"AHHH! Higher and higher!! Hang on to your slippers!!"

"AHHH!! MUMMY!!"

"I can't look down!! I can't look at ALL!!"

"OH MY GOD, this feels GOOD!"

Okay, 4 captions. Guess who said what. I don't know if those words are accurate, but I THINK all of 4 of us said something like that during the ride.

So yes. We SCREAMED. And the whole point was, it was only us screaming all the way up. People coming back down just stared at us as if we were crazy.

When we calmed down, we tried to take snapshots of the view around us. We managed to capture views of this hotel faraway with the sea and all. It was damn breath-taking, and both nerve-wrecking. This ride was never meant for the faint-hearted, right Kelin? ((:

So when we alighted, there was this totally HOT *drools* guy waiting there to help us off. He was like, "One more round?"

We're like, "NOOOOO."

And Kelin's like, "No, I think I'd just die halfway."

Anyways, he was HOT. DAMN.

Yups. So we walked around that area, pretended to be lost wanderers with no place to go. Just walked and walked, talked, laughed, took pictures. Twas about 5 plus, close to 6 when we left, took the bus and went to Habour Front for dinner. Stayed until 7 plus, then I took the train back with Wanning.

Cool day. Should do that more often.

I swear, I've washed my hair. But it still smells of island life. ^^"

Anyways. Been slacking the whole day. Will start working tomorrow, definitely.

Oh, miss him like crazy.

:P

XOXO

/ Saturday, December 03, 2005

I'm such an useless ass.

I could be doing very useful things right now. Like, typing out that thingie for Chandran and getting paid next year.

MAN.

But I didn't bring it back here at my own place to do it. I left it at Grams. Brought back only my Bio textbook and my notebook.

Yes.

Talk about doing something useful.

GOD.

Seriously. This is a TOTAL waste of time.

The more time I spend typing and staring and surfing this stupid electronic device I'm still laying my hands on, the more I feel like I'm wasting my time.

HELLOO??

Can someone give me SOMETHING USEFUL to do??

ARGH.

I've been practically slacking the whole day. Intending to read my Bio proper when Frank came over. But it was fun. =D

Anyways.

It's kinda quiet now. Maybe I should go read a little.

Do something useful.

DAMN.

Oh, Jasper!! It's cool 'bout that entry thing, take your time. HAHA.

Okay. Out.

XOXO

/ Friday, December 02, 2005

Here's your piece, Fina. You tagged. I listened.

=D

Rules of this game:
- Post 5 weird/random things about yourself.
- At the end of this quiz, list the name of 5 people (I can only find 3. God. I AM pathetic) of whom you want them to do this and leave a comment "You're tagged" in their blog and tell them to read your blog.

So what's so weird about ME?

1) I can crack up anytime I want. Meaning, I make my own jokes and laugh at them. Yes, laugh like no one's business.

2) Everytime I sing in my Grandma's room, I take it as my recording studio. LOL.

3) I sing in the toilet. Even when I'm having diarrhoea or constipation or normal shit. Yes I do.

4) I spray air fresheners in my room and my stinky shoes.

5) I'm absolutely terrified of FROGS. Sometimes, I just have the urge to burst that bubble of air they depend on for breathing. AHH! Okok. I'm not as evil as you think.

And these following people have been and will be tagged:
1. YuPing
2. Jasper
3. Sharyn

Okay. More like telling you all my secrets.

Bio drilling is finally over. Remind me that I still have that O-level paper to do. Plus History homework.

I'm tired. My left wrist hurts. I dunno why.

I feel half like a wreck. The other half feels weird.

SHIT.

XOXO

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