triangle d'amour

queue
me

upi'm the

twelve

on your

table

i'mso

starstruck

vous avez mon coeur

info entries hookups etc

MOVEEEE:D CHECK OUT ENTRIES FOR NEW BLOG ADDRESS & DO RELINK!

/ Saturday, September 24, 2005

Okay, shall update.

Its a miracle I've just been mugging and mugging and studying and working and stressing myself out from Mon right to Thurs. I didn't even go online, and that totally deprives me.

But I'm only doing it alllll for the finals. After that, what you see now won't be what you see later.

Yup, so I didn't get to online. Which REALLY REALLY SUCKED. Cuz you know how much that means to me. Now it's the weekend, and I'm online, BUT. He's just not here.

So where is he to fill up all the holes? I feel so damned empty.

I only have to hold out for another 3 weeks. So 1 down, 3 more to go. I know I can do it.

As for my academic results... I don't wanna let anyone down this time.

As for my confession, I don't think I need to say anything now. Cuz things are just the way they should be.

Pray that there'll never be a barrier wall. Pray that there'll never be anybody between us.

It's been a pretty good day for me, Saturday. Had dinner with relatives from M'sia, then Dad took us all to Mount Faber in a LEXUS car. LEXUS!! It was sooooo COOL. But that car wasn't his, hahaaaas. It belongs to my other cousin who came for dinner too. 0.-

So yeah. Mount Faber. Dark and kinda creepy. The air was still. Could see lovers curled up against each other on cold benches, tucked away comfortably in their own little world. I looked through the binoculars. The whole thing seemed to be magnified like WHOA.

Could see the cable cars, the offices. The boats.

I asked Dad if we could see the sunset or sunrise from here. He said Mount Faber was the central part of Singapore. I didn't get it.

But I assumed those lovers on the benches were just there to wait till the next sunrise.

First time to Mount Faber. Not bad. Dad said my boyfriend would bring me there 5 years down the road. Mom said 7.

I don't care what age. :x

Okay, gotta get off now. Time to go back to my nerdy world.

XOXO

/ Sunday, September 18, 2005

I don't know WHY.

WHY I feel so helpless when I can't solve anything.

WHY there's screaming going on in my house. WHY there's so much noise.

WHY I break down inside and don't show it.

But thank God... For his presence. I don't know what to do without him. The sky may fall, the earth may flood, there might be harsh storms... But I'll make it through.

People.. I won't be coming online after tonight... So yeah, don't expect anymore updates, this blog will become a state of rigor mortis after this post... Hahaaas.

Yup. I'm gonna work HARD for finals.

Its supposed to be full moon tonight. But I can't see the moon. Damn.

Okay, so the last post ends here.

XOXO

/ Saturday, September 17, 2005

Let's bring this bloggie back to life.

After a week, I update.

Yeah been busy tryna get stuff done for my finals coming in about like, 2 weeks' time. Time flies. Time REALLY flies.

But I like this hectic schedule. It keeps my mind off things. Keeps me focused. Keeps me there.

Of course, I gotta have my fun sometimes.

Things are good between us now. As long as he doesn't say anything about what I don't wanna hear, as long as I don't hurt, I don't mind not making the confession.

It's gonna change everything, see?

Things are just FINE. I don't want a barrier wall. I just don't want anything to come between us.

Sooo. I went for another game of badminton today. Man, it was smashing. When I played with Dad he made me sweat after the first few minutes. So played with the others - Brian, YuTing, Minna, YuHwang, on and off.

Good game (:

Had lunch at MacDonalds'. Conducted an Extreme Makeover for Ronald Susilo and LiLi's [some badminton player] faces on the MacDonald's tray. You should've seen Brian's masterpiece. He coulda taken Art. Lol.

Anywayyy. I'm hungry. So gonna start on supper NOW.

XOXO

/ Saturday, September 10, 2005

Tonight, I'm gonna tell all.

I don't care who reads, who thinks, who comments. This is MY space - in other words, I'm entitled to whatever I wanna say.

So.

Yeah. I've been thinking.

Many of us try to get through each day, with hopes you cling onto every morning, deep in your heart all you think about is, "I hope I see him today" or "I hope he notices me or something." We all do. But not many of us.

I think about the same thing too.

Keep wishing and praying, hoping for chances to slip by. Chances to just summon up all the courage, walk straight up to him and spark off a casual conversation. For me, my chances come occasionally. So when they come by, I try to hold onto them. I try. But it doesn't work that way. Things are just NOT so easy.

It is, of course, easy to just smile and wave a simple "Hi" over to him. But its hard. Hard holding to chances, its even harder trying to make things work out for yourself.

So two days ago I gave myself a damned big chance. Did I make use of it? No. Did he try to make use of it? Could see he wanted to try - but nothing real happens. I tried too. But we both just let it slip.

Dreams will always be dreams. Did I say that before?

So I won't try hiding. Okay. So it did hurt. There.

Everytime I hurt, I feel so weak. Okay, so maybe I am. Feeling defeated and helpless, just letting a damned big chance pass me by. It felt like I've fallen or something. I can't believe that put me down.

So just sitting around wondering why the HELL I just let it fly past me. Why I just let it slip out of my fingers. Like water. Like sand.

Thinking that oh yeah, another chance is gonna come by soon, so I'll just hang around and wait.

So what if it doesn't?

And that stupid brave confession I think I will make.

I only say it when I feel oh-so-brave. But when stuff like these gets me down, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should even breathe the word "confession".

You think it's not gonna change anything?

It's gonna change EVERYTHING. And I don't want ANYTHING to change.

So what I do? Go on and continue hurting like nobody's fucking business. Don't breathe a word about it.

But he should know by now. All the hints I've dropped. All the sacrifice.

So.

I admit. I find myself caught in waves of dilemma.

Then I fall. Over and over again.

XOXO

/ Friday, September 09, 2005

Hahaaa.

Been mugging. Final year exams are coming in like, 3 weeks?

Time's running out.

Feels good knowing I'm doing more. At least I'm preparing myself. I've gained more this time. I won't let myself lose.

Took time off to go hit the court yesterday with YuTing and some others. Brian too. Feels good too. Woke up this morning with body ache, especially on my right side. Even my ass hurts.

Lol.

Yeah.

I really wanna update you guys about my personal life, the real me, but I don't feel like discussing it here right now. Things been happening, I've been hurt. Yup. So I guess you roughly know how it feels.

Maybe sometime later, okay?

Thanks everyone who commented on this great skin. Credits to jolene!! (:

XOXO

/ Wednesday, September 07, 2005

This is amazing.

I've been studying from 8 to 10. Just sitting there working on my Sciences.

And about 10.05, here I am, online.

It feels exhilarating. To feel like you're smarter. LOL.

Okay, but it feels good. Even tho I just recapped everything, re-read and read and read textbooks and assesments, well... It just makes me feel like I did something.

You should try it. And stop that guilt conscience.

* Halo appears *

Wellllllll.

Had a really nice dream yesterday. Sweet indeed.

But one thing's for sure.

Dreams will just be dreams.

Nothing real's gonna happen.

XOXO

/ Monday, September 05, 2005

Yes, I love my blog, YES.

It seems to be one of the best skins EVER.

September.. Well... The mood to be rough and tough. I feel like it, thus the rock songs and this crude skin.

Oh and yeah, I'm starting to feel so much better already. Fever's gone down. Still coughing quite a bit. Flu's nearly over.

Medicine works miracles!

I see NO POINT staying up burning all my energy waiting around for him. No point at all. I don't see anything ahead of me right now.

It's close to 10, and I'm hungry and I seriously want something to eat.

Well well... Gotta make up my mind soon. Maybe I'll just hold out till 10.30 and see where this goes.

XOXO

/ Sunday, September 04, 2005

When I tried waking up this morning I thought I was going to die.

Seriously.

Because my nose was clogged, my head was pounding due to the fever, and the covers seemed to add on to all the heat. The stupid sound of the whirring fan irritated me.

When I woke, it was only 8 plus.

So I literally dragged myself to the toilet to pee. My legs felt like wooden sticks. My head felt like metal.

Then I dragged myself back to bed. Crawled under the covers. Letting the heat choke me.

The pain didn't go away tho. Mom came in with a Panadol, but it didn't help.

I almost thought I had the dengue. I had the sudden urge to SMS someone - "What are the symptoms of dengue?"

But I thought I was crazy.

Dozed off again, woke up at 10.30. Mom made appointment at Doc's.

Dad brought me down.

Doc said to watch out for any rashes. And if fever persisted till Thurs, I had to go for a blood test.

Went home. Forced to eat tasteless porridge and gulp down gallons of water with medicine.

Tried sleeping at a grosteque angle but Mom didn't let me due to spine problem.

So I went to bathe. Hot hot bathe. Felt so much better. Came out SMILING.

Switched on the comp. Surfed a little till Mom complained that I should get some rest. So rested.

Rest of the early afternoon went by in a blur. I actually tried doing homework.

Surfed net again, Mom started to complain.

So I crawled into bed again with my MP3 to make up for last night. Slept from 3.45 to 5.30. I was shocked at how long I slept.

I'm supposed to be back at Gram's, but was too tired to go down. So Dad took my school uniform from Gram's and brought it back here. Got a creative writing competition at Kent Ridge Sec tomorrow.

Had dinner. Worked on changing blogskin. Still sniffing away and coughing but on the whole feeling much better.

So yeah.

That's it.

XOXO

/ Sunday, September 04, 2005

Is it me or is it the touch of my keyboard on my fingers feel different?

Yup. So I'm still sick.

Slept damn early last night at 9 plus. Couldn't even keep myself awake to plug into my MP3.

I don't know how it felt like - the throbbing headche that hammered my head, along with the constant dry cough. I almost thought I was going to die.

If the fever still persists till Thurs, I might have to go for a blood test. It doesn't really scare me though. Stuff happens. Just hope its not the dengue fever.

My head's still spinning, but overall I feel so much better after a hot bathe. Now I'm just stuffing my nose with tissue paper.

Can't look at the computer screen for long cuz words just seem to blur themselves.

So thats what I have for you.

Later.

XOXO

/ Saturday, September 03, 2005

It's been two long days.

So lets recap. Starting with Friday.

Friday. Well. It was Be Yourself Day. Wore pink tee, jean skirt, belt and sport shoes to school. Don't know how I looked but hopefully fine. A short concert took up the first 2 periods. Teachers performed a cool song. ((: Rock on, guys.

Then Physics period - got back Physics common test. Which had this fail mark on it. 2 more marks and I coulda passed. So where do I stand?

Next up was Chemistry for a two good periods. Got back Chemistry common test too. Passed. Why can't I ever get things right?

Had a Chem test which nobody bothered to study.

Recess.

Back to class with Mother Tongue period. Had yet another test.

Lifeskills.

School was out.

Hung around the canteen taking snapshots on YuPing and Angie's digicam with Kelin and whoever was there. While waiting for Brian, Cat and Shehana.

Later a whole lot of us headed to PS.

Chilled around fast food areas before going to catch "Red Eye", where the seats in front of us were empty, so when we got to the climax part, everyone started hammering the seats in front. Shehana was practically having a fit.

Anyways.

Red Eye ROCKS. Go catch it sometime.

Planning to go to the beach before school opens again. And watch that creepy show which is SOOO "Night before Christmas" material - was it "Corpse Bride" or "Bride Corpse"?

So. Saturday.

Woke up like a school day, headed to school. Went for a SCREAMINGLY, INSANELY, CRAZY, TRAUMATIZING Youth Speak seminar at Fort Canning, the Legends. The food was good, at least LiWen was fast enough to get in line.

Don't even mention the hour by hour talks. People were practically SLEEPING.

Got back home. Just realized I'm sick. Down with flu and dry cough. Expected this was coming. Hope its not the dengue fever.

Yup, took medication. Old medication pills from the last time I was sick.

It's making me drowsy though. Can't believe I'm doing homework still. Shall sleep early.

Wanna say sorry to someone very close to me - Sorry I can't be up waiting for you to get online.

Hahas.

Yeah.

So thats about it.

XOXO

This layout was made by tm/dd

Twitter Updates